Existing but not living.

Since losing my mom 7 months ago I don't really care about much, I dont think ahead. I just take it day by day. I dont care if I live long (hopefully not) or if I have a short life. I'd rather have a short one because she's not here anymore. I don't want nice things cause she never had nice things. I feel guilty having my husband's love and siblings love because she never got that from hers but she deserved it and so much more. She was so loving and kind and a bubble of joy, but they were horrible people and made her life worse. They never supported her or helped her including her parents. This world is cruel and unfair. I tried but there was only so much I could do and she was taken away from us before I could do what I can do now. I hate it so much.