miserable. every day it gets worse.

21 F- don't even know where to start. stuck in a hotel with my abusive mom and asshole dad who thinks everything is a joke. about to have my ileostomy turned into a k pouch which is basically an internal ostomy made out of my intestine. my dad doesnt take my health seriously when im having a medical issue/episode. i complain about my pain or heat flashes so i have to sit down often, which my dad doesnt believe is real, even though hes literally about to see me in the hospital for this damn surgery. im diagnosed adhd, bipolar 1, ptsd, ulcerative colitis, osteopenia, anemia, etc. undiagnosed cardiovascular issues/neurological issues we are still figuring out, etc. still everything i do is because im dramatic. my mom is controlling. everything has to be her way or she throws a fit. shes genuinely like a child. im completely financially and sometimes physically reliant on her since im disabled. i cant escape. i want to end this. she says i had to wait to talk to a therapist and psychiatrist because we had to travel out of state to get this surgery, but when we get here we are going to museums and eating out and stuff. which im grateful for but id rather see a therapist and gets back on meds first because ik during this surgery im gonna wanna end it even more. i have flashbacks from my last surgery still. i have to share a bed with my mom. her snoring keeps me up and i just stare at the wall begging got to take my life in that OR. i guess shes expecting it since she raised my life insurance. im so alone. i wish my sister was here. i wish i had friends. i cant do this anymore. i want to kiss my dog goodbye and leave.