Miscarriage trigger 8 years later

TW: miscarriage discussion

.

.

.

8 years ago I had an awful miscarriage at 11 weeks. It’s a long story, but I passed the baby at home and held the little body before passing out and being taken to the hospital. I struggled a lot the first few years, but I’ve healed in many ways and haven’t had any issues in a long time.

Tonight I was visiting my mom, and she excitedly told me she had something to show me. I followed her to her room, and she dropped a toy miniature baby in my hand. She excitedly explained how they are surprise ball toys and my nieces would love them. However the wind was knocked out of me, because the baby I miscarried had been the almost the exact same size as the toy. Even though the toys look like newborns, not 11 week old fetuses, I was caught so off guard. I had a physical flashback to holding the baby I lost that day and all the feelings I felt.

I had never told my mom the full story of my miscarriage, and I didn’t want to burst her excitement over this fun toy for my nieces, so I didn’t say anything. But I’ve just felt so off kilter all night ever since.

I know I’ll wake up okay tomorrow, but I’m still pretty shaken. Losing a baby sucks, even years later.