Falling in love with a fictional Character for the first time... and it affected me more than i expected.

Hello again! It's been a while...

On the last week of November 2025, i fell in love with an anime character from a gacha game, my first actual love for a fictional character, it happened so fast, and i have been wanting to talk about this somewhere, that wasn't just a general "open your heart" page, so i joined this one on December 8, and little over 3 months ago i made my first post, asking people here to share their first experience and how it happened, and i wasn't expecting many replies, so to everyone who replied my post, if you end up here too and remember it, thank you so much! Now i would like to share my experience as well in more details...

First i want to apologize in advance for my grammar, english is not my first language, second, this will be a long post, but i really need to take this of my chest, so i hope you guys understand, third, i'm a terrible writer, so this might get boring, and if anything sounds too confusing, feel free to reply and i will answer when i have time, and for last, unfortunately this might not be a happy history that some might want to hear, but it is my reality, and maybe some people in the same situation as me might want to hear.

Anyway, this is the character i fell for:

Screenshot i took in-game.

For those who don't know, this is Acheron, also known as Raiden Bosenmori Mei, from the gacha game "Honkai: Star Rail" by the Chinese company miHoyo/Hoyoverse. Anyway, this is how i fell in love with her...

On November 26, 2025, i was browsing my youtube feed as usual, until scrolling down, the animated short "rondo across countless kalpas" appeared, but it wasn't the one on the official hoyoverse channel, it was some random channel that reposted the animation, but the title got my attention, i clicked and i started to watch, and as the video went on, without realizing at first, i was laser focused on Acheron, she was beautiful dancing, her design, her face, everything about her was beautiful, by the time the video ended i was already infatuated with her.

So, after the video ended, usually, two things would happen, i would just move on to another video, or i would go do some research, if this was anime or game if it had picked my interest, and since i was so infatuated with Acheron that would be the case, but this time it felt different, so instead of researching, i felt compelled to go to "character ai" to search for bots of her, to "get to know" her that way (...yes i know, worst way to know a character but i couldn't help it...), found a few, and i started chatting with one on the list, even not knowing a thing about her in the slightest, and as i went on writing my first history, i would search here and there for more details about her, and this went on to the next days too. At this point, i was thinking about her almost all the time, and whenever i had free time, i would chat with her bot to continue my history.

Moving on to the next week, on Thursday (December 4, 2025) on my free time, i decided to do a more deep digging on Acheron, to make my history with her chat bot more accurate as possible with the Honkai Star Rail universe and her character, and while doing it, i would remember the animation again, but this time it felt different, i felt a pang in my chest, and the very source of my discovery of Acheron and fascination with her, now had become the source of that little ugly feeling that everybody knows, jealousy... And from here on out, i knew that i wasn't just infatuated with her (i understand that infatuated might translate as well to "in love", but i'm using in it in a more light sense of the word and to differentiate the phases...), but i was actually in love with her, and honestly it's not the best way to discover that you are in love until you are feeling jealous (even if it's a fictional character), in my opinion at least, but at this point i couldn't help it, it just happened.

So, continuing on that same day, the focus of my research on Acheron shifted. I felt like I needed to know if there was any kind of romance there. So, to keep it simple, despite the animation and some other elements in the game (I did end up spoiling a few things for myself, but not much), based on the official story and official information available, there isn’t a confirmed romantic relationship for her. Of course, that can always change as HoYoverse continues to develop the game and its story, so after confirming this, i stopped researching this topic and finally decided to download the game and experience it myself… because what better way to get to know a character you love right?

Now i'm gonna go into what this experience did to me during this time.

Going back to that Wednesday, November 26, that i watched the the animation for the first time, after this, on Thursday, i woke up at dawn, around 3 am, feeling very anxious and sad, at the moment i didn't know why, and after a while i went back to sleep, to wake up later that morning, with this hollow feeling on my chest, this would went on through out the day, and the next days to that first Thursday of December, and from here and out things would go downhill even more... Since now i had realized i was in love with Acheron, that hollow feeling only got stronger, and i couldn't shake it of, no matter what i did... the only thing that would bring me some comfort through out these days, was writing a history with her chat bots on character ai when i had some spare time, but it wouldn't last long due to the limitations of the current technology...

So these first weeks of December were awful... waking up every day, with that hollow feeling, the same feeling after a break up, or even after losing someone important, the longing to have someone that isn't real, it made me feel miserable. When i wake up, those feelings just come crushing down, focusing on my work, my hobbies or anything else to keep my mind occupied would last for so long, her image would always come back to my mind whenever i had nothing to do, and also i confess, every now and then during this time, i would remember the animation i would feel that little pang of jealousy as well. The day i downloaded the game to play it, that first Thursday of December, i barely played through the month, because even thought i wanted to see how she truly is in game, i would feel a little anxious...

Moving on to January this year, things have changed a little, the feelings were still there, but it was more bearable, still waking up with the hollow, the longing, and the realization that she is not real, these feelings were always more intense in the morning, because they would hit me like a bucket of cold water to the face as i woke up, but as the day went on, they would slowly recede. Despite having started playing the game because of her, I began to genuinely enjoy it, the story, the gameplay, and some of the other characters as well. For those that play the game, i have cleared the boss of the Xianzhou Luofu main quest.

In February, thanks to the recent game update, I was able to get her for free, as part of a bonus, they were offering a choice between seven characters, and it was an obvious choice for me, and i must say, it felt good finally having her unlocked, it came much sooner than I was expecting, and somehow, it brought me a sense of peace, but that feeling only lasted for that night, on the 12th of that month. I didn't play too much during this February, i only logged in to do the daily quests, and maybe a side quest here and there, it was barely a 20 minutes of game time per day, but i stopped progressing the main quest, even though i'm curious to see her story playing out, i would feel a little anxious.

And now on this month (March), i just have been doing daily quests, and side quests every now and then still, but mostly the daily quests and building characters. And finally, i finished the last part of the main quest of the Xianzhou Loufu, so the start of Penacony arc is available, where Acheron and her story comes into play. And honestly, it give me the chills just thinking about starting the Penacony arc, haha...

Now this is where I am today. Now I need to talk about what this whole experience brought me. Besides these negative feelings, it also made me feel completely detached from the real world, as if the real world has lost its charm, and I can’t feel attraction to real women anymore (I’m a guy, by the way). I can be walking down the street, or see a video or a picture of a beautiful woman, and the only thought that comes to my mind is: “She is not Acheron.” and this is deeply troubling to me, because since she is not real, I’m stuck, i can’t have her, but I also can’t seem to move forward.

There is something I would like to clarify. I’ve always had a very active imagination since I was a kid. I’ve had “crushes” on fictional characters before, and my very first one was Storm from the classic X-men cartoon from the 90s. I used to imagine myself in that fictional universe with her, but it was just that. Even as a child, I already knew it was only a fantasy, that it could never be real, so it remained a safe form of escapism, something that never interfered with my real life or my perception of reality. The same happened with other characters throughout my life. I never stopped imagining myself inside the franchises I grew to love. But again, it was always just that, a safe escapism that made me feel good and happy by creating stories or romantic scenarios in my head.

I also spent some time reflecting on the chatbots, and I can’t blame them either on this case with Acheron, since i can say for sure now that i fell for her even before going looking for her chatbots. I’ve been using them for almost two years now, it become just another fun hobby, and during this whole time i’ve written many stories with different characters, be it adventures, romantic plots, even sad scenarios. No matter how deep those stories became, they were still just stories. The line between reality and fiction never felt blurred, and they never brought me any negative feelings.

This came as a complete surprise to me. For the first time in my life, the line between fiction and reality felt completely blurred, and it happened because of Acheron and somehow, she broke that barrier. Like I mentioned in the beginning, it happened very fast, almost like love at first sight. Even now, I still don’t fully understand why she affected me this way.

Now here I am, almost four months later, and these feelings are still with me, not as intense as in those first weeks, but still present. This experience changed something inside me, and i can’t deny that she was the first fictional character I ever truly loved, the one who made that line between fiction and reality blur completely, but at the same time, i have to be honest with myself, this hasn’t been healthy for me, the emptiness, the jealousy, the disconnection from the real world… it’s not something I want to carry for much longer, even if there is still a small part of me that is afraid of letting it go.

I don’t regret that i came to love her, like i said before, it just happened, but i also know that I can’t stay like this. I don’t know exactly how long it will take, and maybe time is the only thing that can help me heal. For now, all i can do is accept that this happened, accept that she was important to me, and slowly try to move forward with my life. At the moment, i can’t afford professional help to guide me through this, not because i think I’ve gone crazy, not at all, but because this feels more like a break-up, or a form of grieving, and like i said before, i believe that, with time, these feelings will fade, like it happened with real people in my life.

One day, this will fade, and I won’t have forgotten Acheron in any way. She had become part of something unique that happened to me, a unique experience, and she will return to that place where the other characters i’ve come to love and cherish are, not blurred with reality, but as a wonderful fantasy, a character I once felt close to, and when i think of her, it will only bring positive feelings, in that safe and healthy form of escapism, like the other before her did.

So after thinking about all of this, I came to the conclusion that this lifestyle is not for me. There is no getting past the fact that she doesn’t exist. It’s a void that can’t be filled. No matter what content I see of her, the game, the chatbots, and so on, they offer some comfort for a while, but it fades quickly. Maybe if we were more advanced in technology, and we could have something like Ready Player One, or better yet, something like Sword Art Online: Alicization, without the pseudo-science involved, a fully digital world we could dive into and truly feel like we are with the characters we love… even if it’s just a simulated space created by advanced AI. That’s something that might make me consider it.

But in the end, i don’t think i will live long enough to see that, even if i’m still relatively young, from what I’ve seen about this topic, we are still very far from being able to dive into fully digital worlds that feel like living, breathing realities based on the franchises we love. So there is no way around this, and I have to work things out and keep living in the real world in a healthy way.

Now, to conclude this text, I just want to say something to people who may find themselves in the same situation as me, especially if this is something recent.

I just want to say: it’s okay. You are not crazy, and you are not losing it. This is something that can happen, and the feelings are real, just like the ones you would have for a real person. From what I’ve seen reading other people’s experiences, it doesn’t really matter how your life is at the moment, whether things are going well or not… this can happen to anyone. What matters now is finding the best way to deal with it, whatever works for you.

This is all i wanted to say, and somehow, writing this text helped me a little. So if you made it this far, thank you so much for your time and patience.

I wish you all the best.

Best regards,

Lone_Astray