UGH - angry at myself

I’m the dumpee, blindsided about 11/13 weeks ago. Almost 11 weeks no-contact broken by me sending a song on Spotify. An artist we both love released a new album this weekend, with a cover of another artist’s song who we love, and it got the better of me. I’m SO annoyed with myself. I regretted it immediately, tried to unsend it, and Lo-and-behold, Spotify doesn’t allow you to unsend.

I unfollowed him on all socials, removed him as a follower, but THIS is what got me.

NC has been for my own healing, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been holding on to a kernel of hope that maybe he’d reach out with accountability. We were about to go Long Distance temporarily when he dumped me because it felt too overwhelming for him, but there were zero signs in the lead up. He was a sobbing mess when he did it, and had told me 2 weeks prior that he saw a future with me. Have I ruined any chance of meaningful contact now? Not that chances were high, I guess. And not that I think I could take him back at this rate anyway.

Anyway don’t know what I want - reassurance that I’m not an idiot I guess?