30m i’m addicted to gooning to my gf with men online

been consistent for 4 years now, i wanna stop. i’ve tried numerous times. i was about a month clean before relapsing two nights ago and it was really fun honestly. who else is on the same boat? there’s something really hot about it that watching normal porn can’t replicate but it’s also a fucked up thing to do but fuck it’s so hard to stop. i’m 2 days clean