[1362] My Demons Are My Only Friends Prologue

Recent crits:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/5DpC2laK74 https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/fVqWmzNmiV https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/eny45XSU5G

This is my first time critiquing/posting here, please let me know if I’m doing something wrong 😅 I think I did the flair right but I’m on my iPad so I’m not sure it worked

I’m sharing the prologue of my novel, a paranormal romance with demons. Any critique is appreciated, but I’d especially love to get feedback on:

• Overall impressions - would you keep reading?
• Voice - I struggle with third person
• Humor - did it seem like it was trying too hard to be funny? Which jokes aren’t landing or actively making it an unpleasant read?
• Please rip apart the opening paragraphs as much as you can
• Line edits are much appreciated, this is like a 5th draft and I want to polish it as much as possible

Google Docs link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XszLnEUCKq8Wlp58ikkL7YOLvJv5BivVCq5Myi4astI/edit?usp=drivesdk