Don’t think I can live like this anymore

I’ve been mentally ill since I was 11 years old with BPD, adhd, anxiety, depression and trich . I am now 22 years old and have had good points in my life but also really really bad ones that seem to overpower the good. I clung to an ex and destroyed our relationship with splitting. He wasn’t good for me but I needed to be loved by him for some reason.

I’ve lost friends because I have made bad decisions including drug use, hyper sexuality, putting myself in dangerous situations, unable to leave my ex, and self harm.

I think my family is sick of hearing it from me and my brother is very physically ill right now so I can’t burden them anymore.

I’ve tried CBT, DBT, and medication. I work out consistently, eat healthy and overall take care of my body usually.

As I got older all I want to do is lay in bed alone. I used to have dreams and hopes but now I only believe that all good turns to bad and it’s not worth it.

I don’t think I can live like this anymore. I don’t like who I am. I don’t even think this is me but it is.