Am I going to hell? How do I stop these thoughts and feelings?

I’m a lesbian, I can’t change this no matter what I try, no matter how hard I try. I have given myself to Christ, I believe in him as my one true savior, and God as my one true God. However I feel as though I have to be alone and miserable in this life in order to be loved by Him. Can I have a girlfriend and be a follower of Christ? I just relapsed in self harm because my feelings of confusion and fear are so great, I’m feeling like I should end it all right now. How do I stop these feelings? How am I supposed to be happy if I’m forced to be alone for life? I’ve prayed and prayed but I’m still so scared. Please