Biologist FINALLY Discovers Design

Breaking News! Let's get ahead of that one.

BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA (April 1st, 2026) -- While on vacation, an evolutionary biologist - who had until then never asked where cars come from - met and befriended an engineer (that lesser-spotted species specialist of Salem Hypothesis infamy unknown to most biologists).
Back at the atheistic gravityists' headquarters, the biologist recalls how their conversations were an eye-opener, "How could I have not seen the metaphorical parallels - design is a long and tedious process with research and development, trial and error, and competing teams and demands from within and without; and then there's the market, where the few successes hide the untold failures, and finally the marketing folks who make it all seem like the work of a sole genius."

They also discussed the Oʀɪɢɪɴꜱ problem:

Without figuring out how the first wheel inventor invented the first wheel, all designs are irreducibly complex with irreducible histories. This made the biologist question if his first cousin is really his first cousin, "Without solving the origins problem, genealogy will forever remain a mystery."

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Don't miss tomorrow's issue!
Biochemist Falsifies the Second Law of Thermodynamics [by growing a billion E. coli in a closed system and forgetting his calorimeter]

^(Happy April Fools' Day!)