AITAH - calling out my parents in law for constantly forgetting important milestones

Throwaway obviously. English is my first language and im typing on a mobile. All normal caveats apply 😊

Im from an English speaking background, my wife isnt. Shes from a large country just outside Central Eastern Europe. Muslim. We live overseas.

In my culture or maybe its just my family we tend to remember milestones events, recognise them wherher they are joyous or whether they are sad.

It appears as though my parents in law (PAL) do not subscribe to this theory and its just come to a head that so to speak.

Background - our little boy passed away after being born prematurely. Whilst this happened overseas, we travelled to my wifes home for his burial. This was several years ago now.

Consistently - whilst we remember and commemorate him every year (and my family send messages and call) her parents have never acknowledged the dates. Not once. They call her every day to chat about mindless shit but on those days they dont. They obviously know what they are doing. Ill point out that her aunts will usually call. This is extremely hurtful. She is literally waiting to be let down on that day. Every year. It finally came to a head last year and she had a very boundary setting call with them and outlined her expectations. This was afterus both speaking to our therapist about how to handle this. Im still barely on speaking terms with them due to the hurt they have caused her. Last years excuse was that a neighbour was ill and they had to help. Absolute bullshit.

Fast forward to a couple weeks back. Its my wifes birthday. We celebrated at home with our kids. Her parents never acknowledged it. Never called. Never messaged. She was obviously hurt. She doesnt expect anything from them other than maybe a message or a call. Nada.

She asked me a few days later why i didnt post anything on socials about her birthday. And I said “I didnt want to act like an artifical reminder service for

your parents”. This got into a heated conversation where i ultimately called them selfish, lacking and emotional IQ and generally poor parents. She got upset.

AITA for a) not reminding her parents and b) calling them out to her?

I feel that honestly we shouldnt have to remind them

Of this basic basic stuff.