I was kidnapped, raped, and almost murdered and people in my life keep saying it's my fault

I am happy to answer questions, but the gist of what happened is that an employee of mine asked me to come over to him house and keep him company because he was depressed. i agreed, and he strangled me until i almost died and sexually assaulted me. i passed out 3 times, and now I have brain damage from it.

my sister asked me, "Why didn't you scream?" And "Did you even try to get away?"

my friend said "well he seemed like a red flag to me. you fell for it. "

my other sister said, "Do you think you were assaulted because you are sexually active?" 5 if i would be safe if only i were cellabate.

A week later, this same man kidnapped and raped me. I know intellectually that it wasn't my fault, but I feel so much shame around it. I got in his car to give him money (i had to give him his tips since he was fired from our workplace)

everyone blames me for getting in his car, for texting him after it happened, and for not pressing charges the first time.

I didn't try to run because I worried he really would kill me this time if i did.

i know it isn't my fault, but it feels like it.

i have been assaulted before and I always thought maybe if it was worse I would feel like a "real" victim or like i "deserved" to feel as traumatized as i was but it isn't true.

because this time, it was violent, this time i kicked and fought and said no a million times and he almost killed me. he raped me anyway.

I don't know how to stop feeling like this is my fault.