I moved away for peace of mind but I’m so lonely

I live abroad and without much family around but I’m not sure that would change things much. All my immediate family are in another country and they don’t really care about me that much. I went through a lot of life changes on my own and I’ve missed a lot of theirs so we’re really not that close.

I had to move away because my home life as a child was toxic to say the least. Alcoholic dad, lots of abuse. Being on my own over the last almost 10 years has been my only kind of respite. Tbh I’ve really only felt my body calm down in the last 2 years or so after some therapy and life changes.

Recently I’ve been trying to check in more to rebuild some connections but everyone has their own life. They don’t check in with me. Even my mom calls me about every 2-3 weeks when she’s not “busy.” Yesterday was my niece’s birthday and I tried to call her parents to wish her a good one and no one picked up. I’ve noticed that her dad (my brother) really calls me the least. I’m trying to give him grace since he’s a new dad but I don’t know. I also have another brother who I’ve completely fallen out with after I told him off when he did something stupid. I pissed the family off when I did that but everyone else coddled him and I couldn’t do that.

The point is I’m lonely. I did my graduations on my own and loads of major accomplishments but tbh it’s always been like that. I can only remember seeing my family’s faces at a few of my things growing up. I’ve gotten so used to be alone and I’m not great at building friendships. I don’t know what to do.

Whenever I think I’ve found a good friend it kind of turns out that they actually hate me and it seems I’m not good at recognising when people don’t like me much. Or they just sort of don’t reach out to hang out with me.

I know we’re supposed to want to be happy on our own and love ourselves but I wish I had a family and friends I didn’t have to feel like I worked so hard for. What am I doing wrong to be so lonely.