How do I value myself

Is it really worth crying over a friendship breakup where the other person is not really interested. I had this gut feeling since beginning that he is just pretending to be someone's nice but I was so deprived of social life that I took it as granted. I want to know if there is an end to this validation seeking behaviour. How do I make myself respect instead of begging the person to come back because I feel bad and miss him so much. Worst part is that I feel like I spent myself on him.. I prepared a birthday card for someone for the second time (first time was my mom who didn't validate it and I cried a lot alone that day). This really shatters me. I feel unworthy of love and belonging. I've a feeling that everyone will leave me and I don't even feel like talking to new people. I tried fitting in each time when he asked for going to fancy cafes, or calling me late night outside (which isn't allowed for me as a girl) because he was having a ' bad mood '. At this point I'm so done. I don't really want to become a man hater but after all this I don't think I'll ever be able to trust a man again. I also did a lot of mistakes .. I'm very moofat but he ignored at first until I was attached to him and later kept criticizing my each behaviour. Every meeting with him felt like a review session, I'll have to talk like this so that he doesn't go away..for once in life, I wish to be LOVED. Dear God, either give me love or take away the desire to be loved. I lied so much to my mom because of this guy. I realise no matter how much she favours her son more than me, she still cares about me like her child and I'm here seeking validation from random reddit guy who calls me that I play victim even after me sharing everything about my life.. one thing I realised yesterday when I was thinking about it was that he asked me how much salary I'll be getting for the job interviews I'm giving... I thought it's just normal question but later he revealed his previous job salary which was like 4-5x of mine.. I've a feeling that maybe he was trying to flex because he said this thing when I was jobless, he choose to say this even after knowing everything. I told him to block me impulsively and he said ' I can't handle your bpd ' and blocked me. Since then I'm feeling extremely bad as if I got betrayed after spending everything I had, I've no love left for myself and don't even have a safe space to cry at this point. What am I even doing..I'm 25 jobless, single, crying over a random guy who doesn't care whether I live or die.