My life feels like it’s falling apart

A couple of weeks ago, I (22f) was at my family members house and I got a call from my sister. I answered and she was really upset and asked me to go to another room so I did. And she told me about how my brother’s father (let’s use mangy for his name) had gotten accused of SA his daughter(we’ll call her Tina). Mangy had brutally abused my sister and I for years, and we hadn’t told our brother about it because we wanted to wait until he was older to do it.

Well, cps got involved and was planning to talk to our brother about what happened and if he had seen anything, and my sister was sure that cps was going to tell him about our case against him( we both have a lifetime no contact order against him and tried to persecute but the DA dropped it.). So, we had to rush and tell him what his father had done to us because we didn’t want him to find out from anyone other than us. And he obviously didn’t take it well and is in total denial about Tina getting abused. He’s taking it out on everyone and is totally out of control, which I understand because he’s freshly 14 and life is very different at that age.

Well, it’s been really rough, especially since I live in another state and it’s been finicky communicating with everyone about this. So our family is in a state of total disarray and we just feel so far from each other. Then, the detective that’s on Tina’s case wanted to talk to my sister and I about ours. And that was really hard to go through. I have diagnosed PTSD but I thought I had gotten through majority of the past and even though I still struggle with some things I didn’t realize how much I had forgotten or shut out. So the whole time I telling this woman about what happened I’m just remembering more and getting stuck in the fear of being there again. It was embarrassing. I’m so mad I’m not over it. And I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not sleeping at night anymore, I hear something and I’m immediately on edge. Full blown ptsd episodes. And I was so happy before this. My husband and I got married last year and we’ve just been enjoying each other in bliss. Now, I feel like I can’t talk to him about how I’m feeling because I’m feeling so much.

Then, the icing on the cake, my friend died late on Friday night. A really amazing friend. He was so freaking awesome. And he’s gone. I’ve just been getting hit with everything. I don’t text him much because I don’t text many people much, and I feel so guilty for being so wrecked about him passing. I love him so much. And I look at photos of him and just can’t believe he’s not here anymore. I feel like I’m just getting beaten down by everything. I have no idea even how to get out of this. And I don’t want to keep telling my husband about how I feel because I don’t want to drag him down all the time. The night he passed away my husband woke up at 2:30am and saw me crying on the couch about it and comforted me for hours before he had to go to work. He’s been so concerned about me he’s asked if I want to go to therapy and he doesn’t even believe in therapy. It’s so hard to get off the couch and make dinner. I think this might be the hardest time I’ve had in my life. I’ve fallen away from God and I’m so destroyed. I just wanted to tell someone about this, because I don’t know who else I can talk to about it.