The Change

On March 25th, 2025, I lost access to my Samsung. Five days later, on the 30th, I received my flip phone in the mail.

My YouTube video has more lore about that transitional era. (@nawd.dawg)

This year has been full of awareness, patience, anger, envy, hope, shame, love, etc.

This year didn’t equal absolutely no social media and no smartphone use at all, ever. The world is built around smartphones.

I’m going to be using the word wave after statements, to signal and point out how I am constantly approaching bumps in the road. A wave is when I think I’ve grown, and then life proves to me I’m still learning. There hasn’t been a straight line through this journey.

My Technology

After moving to my apartment, my technology use became even more limited. When I was in a shared household, my cousin allowed me to use the iPad for content creation, email, calendar, and all the “important apps.”

Five months after the beginning of this journey, I moved.

I’ve still got my laptop and flipper flopper. I attempted life with no TVs for about 3 months, until there was a small one in my room that I now occasionally watch. I also tried to see how long I could go without any WiFi once I moved in. It lasted about one month. Not having WiFi to do classes was messing up my productivity flow.

My flip phone had YouTube, so on nights of somber I would look for an episode to play in the background before I sleep, or listen to these women on YouTube that are absolutely goddesses with D1 life advice. Or play music from YouTube.

Social Media

There were plenty of times I logged into a platform with the intention of messaging someone, find an image, or using marketplace, and ended up scrolling. It got worse than better sometimes. (wave)

I have encountered holding judgment on other people. I thought that social media was something bad for everyone. A phone, social media, it was bad for me. I used it in a way that did not benefit my well-being. Instead, my being was damaged and self-sabotaged slowly (the rot you hear about).

There are different categories of said social media users.

Therefore, social media is not entirely wrong. I had to learn to lead with awareness rather than judgment. I know individuals that use social media to benefit financially, to spread awareness, and to spread health and love. <3

Being Seen vs Seeing Myself

I have seen fluctuations with my self-confidence.

I used to take a lot of selfies. I had the “right” angle and forced face embedded into my memory. About two months into not having a phone, I tried to use someone else’s phone and couldn’t even figure out how to take a selfie. This brought up feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.

The angles were not angling.

So I removed every mirror from the room I lived in. I gave away my small makeup mirror and my beautiful gold-trimmed wall mirror. (Something also led me to want to remove all clocks at the same time too lol, something weird with time for a bit there.) I thought I was on to something, which led me here so I kind of was.

Now, in my apartment, I only have bathroom mirrors. Which I love, because now I see my reflection. This mirror is where I come to be creative with an outfit or artistic with some mascara and eyeliner. To accept who I am, and love her.

No longer do I sit in front of my reflection pondering over the shape of my nose, the proportion of my face, the unevenness of my forehead. (This still comes in different ways now. Also waves, because the thought is not always pleasant.)

I have accepted that I have an identity beyond appearance.

I see pictures that people take of me, which are not always at the “right angle”, & I accept them. I take a glimpse at the beautiful moment that person captured on camera. I can be photographed by others, rather me controlling the image.

The photos on my flip phone, these pictures are RAW. I cannot see myself while taking them. There is no altering how I look for the camera. This also makes me feel better because the photos are the real image, so at first I avoided, then took a bunch to find the right one, then snapped a photo and moved on. Accept what I am. I have a beautiful being, as does everyone.. I just hope everyone can get in touch with that truth.

Something odd is that I do not feel the need to take pictures of the sky every time I see the pretty colors blend with each other (wave). Sometimes I do, I have phases of sky pictures. I use my phone to capture what I can.

The goal is to accept and inhale the beauty.

I wonder why I feel like I need to save the moment for later.

I do sometimes find myself grieving the camera roll and camera of my iPhone. I had so many pictures. I always told myself I would go through them, but I never really did, so they built up.

I grieve not having photo memory.

Not even just taking pictures, but being able to look back at my life at a certain point in time. Usually when you have pictures, you can revisit who you were, where you were, what life felt like.

I don’t do that in the same way anymore. I can read journal entries, talk to people, reflect on time periods, etc.

Part of not being bale to take great pictures is because I accidentally put my digital camera in the washer.

But even before that, I had already started losing attachment.

I lost one phone at a rave. I had another one stolen. Another one just stopped working and broke.

With each loss, I lost photos. Memories. Access to parts of my life.

Eventually, I just… let go.

I learned that my attachment to items, to storing memories in objects, wasn’t as important as I thought it was.

Inconvenience is the Price of Presence

At first, I tried to keep a physical list of my songs. It worked for a while, but my song preference shifts from phase to phase.

When I hear a song I want to Shzam, I can’t. So somewhere in my brain, I tuck the attachment and fear of losing the song forever to bed.

Sometimes I ask. Sometimes I write it down. Sometimes I let it go.

Forcing myself to ask strangers created interactions that I am grateful for. It took strength to speak up and use my voice. Yes, even for something so simple. I had to build voice some how.

Getting Around Without Apple Maps

To get around, at first I would gather the directions from my laptop, write them down, and follow paper instructions.

I figured out how to use the map on my phone, which is rather difficult, but now I understand it more than Apple Maps.

As far as getting around goes, I’ve been able to navigate with my phone, but it’s step-by-step, so my direction isn’t followed in a smooth way. I’m constantly adjusting.

Also, the buttons are becoming very loose. So when I hit forward once, it goes forward four times. I’ll be four steps ahead of where I actually am, trying to catch up with myself.

Getting around has taught me the kind of patience a Costco gas station teaches.

Let me tell you, getting lost builds a lot of memories. I have found so many places, gone further, took that turn, tried to trust my gut, did not rush. I went through with having to try and find my way home.

Unique Experiences

One time I was in California on a family vacation. At night, I drove out to a town and found a small event. When I needed to park, every lot required a QR code.

My phone couldn’t handle it.

So I called my buddy, and she entered my card, & paid for my parking for me. THANK YOU!

Another time, I was in Goodwill and needed money transferred. I called another buddy I trust deeply and had her log into my bank for me. Switch some things around. THANK YOU!

My cousin has helped me so much, letting me use her iPad, receiving my verification codes, helping me log in when I need it. THANK YOU!

Another time in California, I left my phone in the car and explored the town all day.

I connected to WiFi at random cafes to update my family. When it was time to go home, I had to figure out the bus route.

I got lost. Almost got on the wrong bus.

I waited for someone approachable.

At last, I met these two women that just met each other that day, but I’d believe they were life long best friends. These ladies were characters. One was lean, short, white pig tails that fell over her shoulders. She wore light purple ankle warmers that matched her shirt. Her friend, dark curly hair, a Spanish accent, neutral brown outfit. They sang together. These two women were spunky together. They allowed me to use their phones to call my nana since I was lost. We walked together, talked about the government, got ice cream, and parted ways.

Creation Without Immediate Validation

When I create, I feel the need to share.

I am still figuring out my intention because I am trying so hard to steer clear of searching for public validation.

I have taken more time to create in private. There is discomfort in not being instantly seen.

I had to ask myself:
Would I still create this if no one were to see it?

This question led me to creating for myself, and creating gifts for others.

I used to post every step of the process. Now, I sit with my work before it is shared.

Not documenting everything means actually living your reality.

Time Feels Different Now

I can slow down and complete a task.

I anticipated so much more change within a year. But I am deep in the lesson itself.

I see what the finish line looks like, and I see there is a race to run.

I can start tasks and finish them because I have the time to push myself, little by little.

My Mind Got Louder

Without a phone, my mind got louder.

I used to have a constant distraction. I could escape reality. If I was sad, tired, overstimulated, I saw going on my phone and hyper-stimulating my brain as normal.

When you use your phone, you are using so much brain power. That brain power gets drained quickly. And when it’s drained, I would try to fill it by draining it more.

Now that I have more space for thoughts, I have had to navigate a lot of life things.

And not having a phone made me face my problems.

I couldn’t run away from reality the same way anymore.

A year ago, I feared death heavily. Now, I am excited to keep getting to endure experiences.

The phone never created my thoughts, it distracted me from them.

I had to learn how to regulate instead of escape. (wave)

Relationships in a Phone-Based World

The expectation:
Meet someone, exchange numbers, keep in contact.

Relationships are built around phones.

Without a smartphone, there is less texting. My person and I would text a few times a day, see each other once a week, and didn’t even have our first phone call until two months in.

This created something different.

Without constant access, I was forced to confront my attachment.

Uncertainty floods the mind when there is less texting. You can’t check someone’s activity & delayed responses hit harder.

I am someone who reads into conversations heavily.

But now, this slower communication has become something I prefer.

It makes my in-person experiences more meaningful.

There is depth behind the messages that matter.

Discipline vs Impulse

I have struggled with gaining a routine and learning consistency.

I have finally lived the vision that began three years ago, me living alone, happy at work, completing school, living as myself. Not hiding my personality, just being me.

Guess what?

I still struggle.

Days lead into weeks that go off track. I have impulsive decisions, which were intensified when I had my phone. I had a lot of access to stimulation.

Without a smartphone, I have fewer distractions, but the challenge just goes elsewhere.

Removing the phone did not remove the pattern.

I had to realize the importance of taking my time with my actions. I used to rush every task. I was not very patient.

Now I have things like a super glitchy flip phone, trying to get around, message people, accept calls. This has planted the seed of real patience.

It has been implemented into my art. Into my hobbies.

I thought I’d have a ton of work by now, but you know…

I always overbooked my head with things to fix.

But time, it’s okay.

A bad habit doesn’t need to be solved in a second, as long as there’s active facing of it. Having a phone, I ran away from any confrontation. I got closer to my temptations, but without it I see clarity that I have been seeking.

Reality Check

I still use YouTube.

I still log into social media.

I still struggle.

This journey is not a clean detox.

It is messy, human, and inconsistent.

Where I Thought I’d Be By Now

A lot of times, I feel behind.

I feel like school is too slow. I feel like my routine should be finalized. I always have tasks on my to-do list.

So I tried to manage it. I tried to speed things up.

I wanted discipline, healing, independence, fast.

But I had to see that building your character is brick by brick.

You don’t skip steps when you’re becoming someone.

You move through it. Slowly. Repeatedly. In ways that don’t always feel like progress.

And somehow, it still is.

I thought one year without a smartphone would mean full discipline, clarity, and independence.

I kept thinking I would arrive.

Like there would be a moment where everything clicked, my habits were perfect, my mind was quiet, and I became who I was trying to be.

But that moment never came.

Instead, I kept meeting myself. Over and over again. In different forms, at different levels.

(wave)

And I think that’s the point.

May God bring many blessings to you life.

Thank you for reading. <3

If you want to do it, you can do it too.