What makes a missed-deadline penalty feel fair instead of frustrating?

In DUOMAOMAO, if you miss your daily check-in, your cat enters a danger state that eventually leads to death. Player feedback is split: some say the consequence makes the game matter, others say it feels like being punished for having a life. What I've tried: adding a 12-hour rescue window where friends can save your run. It helped with the 'unfair' complaints but also reduced the urgency of checking in on time. The question: is the problem the severity of the penalty, or the framing around it?