What is wrong with me

i've been recovered from my eating disorder for a while but this past week has been hard ive been eating less and priding myself in how little ive ate and weighing myself daily to see if theres any changes and feeling like i'm doing a good thing for myself by saving money one food

I just ordered $20 worth in taco bell and ate it all in one sitting what the fuck is wrong with me why would I do that I wasnt even hungry there was no point to that

I feel huge and worry im gonna gain weight over night. i was 113lbs this morning but now im scared to check again and im afraid of doing this again I just wish it would stop

I started showing signs when I was really young and it got bad when I was 14. "recovered" for a while due to seroquel weight gain then started again when I was 20. I'm just tired