1 month into marriage and I(27F) don't know what to do?

I recently got married in an arranged setup, even though I never really wanted to. My mother pushed me into it, and I went ahead with it because of her. I’m someone who is very honest, blunt, and straightforward. I don’t believe in pretending or being overly sweet just to please people. I can adjust anywhere, but I cannot fake my personality. If I don’t like something, I either say it clearly or stay quiet—I don’t do things just for show.

When my in-laws came to see me, my FIL asked my entire family—my mother, my masi-mosa, mama-mami—to leave the room and then questioned me alone. He asked me a lot of unusual and uncomfortable questions, especially about my religious beliefs and lifestyle. I clearly told him that I am not a religious person. I said I can sit in pooja sometimes, go to temples occasionally, or fast a few times in a year just to keep peace at home—but I won’t follow strict rituals like not washing hair on certain days, not cutting nails, or dressing according to superstitions. My family also made it clear that I and every woman in my house wear all kinds of clothes at home—t-shirts, shorts—and I won’t suddenly change that after marriage.

At that time, they agreed to everything. They said they had no problem with anything. Even though me and my family said that I've no problem doing household chores considering i do them at my home too, they still said I wouldn’t be forced to do chores and they'll hire a cook and they have a maid for everything, that I could live freely.

My husband, however, has been completely different from them. He is extremely caring, soft, and respectful. He treats me like a child in the best way—playful, loving, and patient. He has no ego. He helps me with everything, even small things like tying my shoelaces, helping me wear sandals, folding my clothes, and taking my utensils to the kitchen. Once, in a village during a ritual, when I wasn’t allowed to touch my feet, he cleaned my feet with his bare hands and made me wear my sandals in front of everyone. He feeds me with his hands, never pressures me for anything, and always respects my boundaries—even in our physical relationship. If I say no, it’s always respected. He supports me in front of his parents and never stops me from expressing how I feel, even when I complain about them.

The problems started within the first month of marriage, and they started from very small things.

The first major issue happened over a bedsheet. In my room, there was a very bright bedsheet with Titanic poses—Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet printed on it, with that “standing at the edge of the ship” pose. It was loud and honestly didn’t look nice. I simply asked my husband if we could change it. He told me to ask his father since the other bedsheets were kept with him. I didn’t feel comfortable asking my FIL directly, so I politely asked my MIL for another bedsheet. She immediately reacted badly and said, “Meri doosri bhi bahu hai, usne humein kabhi nahi bataya ke humein kya karna chahiye, aur tu humein batayegi?” (for context my SIL and BIL live in another country and they have lived with my in-laws for a very very brief period, only when they visited, so technically they never had to bear the tantrums of my MIL), I was shocked because I wasn’t telling them what to do—I just wanted to change something in my own room.

The second issue happened at a temple. The path to the temple was extremely dirty—mud, water, and even food crushed on the ground. I wouldn’t have walked on it even with slippers. My husband brought socks for me so I could manage, but I wore them even inside, and my MIL created an issue over that too.

The third incident was about a suit. I was wearing a good-quality silk suit that my mother had given me. She asked me to change it because it had a few creases. I calmly said that any outfit will have creases after being worn, and if she simply didn’t like it, I could change—but instead of being honest, she turned it into another argument.

What hurts more is the constant contradiction. Before marriage, they said I could wake up whenever I want, wear what I like, and live freely. Now, I’m expected to wake up early, come out and “show my face” to everyone, keep my room door open all the time, and sit in the hall like I’m on display. If I stay in my room, it’s a problem. If I wake up at 9 or 10, it’s a problem—even though my husband himself used to wake up at 11 or 12 before marriage, the issue is my husband has a night shift, so when I wakeup at 7, he wakes up but then goes to sleep and then wakes up when my work is complete, he starts his office in the evening and I've to wakeup till he's waking up, the middle time we get, we are expected to spend it with his family and friends. Hence, we do not get time for ourselves and sleep.

My mother-in-law constantly micromanages everything I do—how I make tea, how I clean things, how I hang clothes, even how I take leaves from plants. She stares at me all the time, corrects me constantly, and makes me feel like I don’t know anything. She never appreciates anything I do but keeps criticizing and comparing me to other newly married women. She has also said very hurtful things to me directly. She told me that other bahus(newly married women) in their society are from better families than mine and that I’m not from a “good house,” even though I know that’s not true. She also disrespected my mother, who is a single parent and still managed to organize a wedding of around 45–50 lakhs just to make sure no one points fingers at me later. Even though my in-laws kept saying “we don’t want anything,” in reality they expected everything—expensive functions, clothes, heavy gold, and a lot of money (milni) for their relatives at every event. And still, they acted dissatisfied. During the wedding itself, before the pheras, my MIL created a scene and shouted at my mother in front of everyone, blaming her for things that weren’t even our responsibility. I'm constantly being ridiculed for earning wayy less than my husband and other woman of their family and friends who are working, even though they know that I've just been working for 1.5 years and those woman have been working for 5...6 years, I did not start working immediately after completing my graduation cause I was in extreme depression after my father passed away and me and my family we isolated ourselves.

They also don’t like that my husband supports me. They fight with him for defending me, and it has started affecting him mentally too. I’ve seen him cry—once when I cried during the bedsheet incident, and another time when he thought I was asleep. He says it hurts him to see me cry and I shouldn't cry but I can't help but cry.

At this point, I feel like I’m constantly acting. I can’t be myself. I can’t make small choices—what to wear, how to sit, what to change in my own room. Everything is judged, twisted, or turned into an issue. I feel controlled, criticized, and emotionally exhausted.

It may not seem like something very extreme from the outside, but the constant pressure, micromanagement, and lack of respect are taking a serious toll on me. I feel stuck and scared that this is how my entire life will be if things don’t change. I don’t want to ask my husband to live separately even though I dislike his parents and would be extremely happy living away from them, but i don't want to put pressure on him or be the person who separates him from his parents. I just don't know what to do.