Update: AITA for having my nephew assassinated.

April Fools

Good morning ladies and gentlemen. It is with untold sorrow that I, Philippe de Bourgogne, son of Jean, duc de Bourgogne, dit "Sans Peur", must announce his untimely death.

Sometime ago, my dear father asked the opinion of the crowd regarding his feud with my cousin Louis. Their rivalry, fueled by the blatant disrespect manifested by Louis towards his uncle, had reached frightening heights. It was the opinion of my father that Louis' death was unavoidable, and the merry folks of the subreddit agreed with him, wholeheartedly.

Although I did agree then that Louis had to be stopped, my good heart was not at rest. I felt deeply in my soul that should kin slay kin, the barriers of decency would break for good. I warned my father, who I knew as a man full of love and compassion and he heard me with an open ear. He comforted me and told me he did not relinquish the task at hand, but had to do it indeed. I relented, for who am I to go against my father and my liege's vows?

At first, all was good. My father made France great again, with strong Burgundian leadership. Certainly there were some tumultuous moments, but he prevailed, as he always did, such gallant a knight was he! He reined in the Armagnac ambitions and grasp around the crown and restored for a time the peace and harmony of the realm. Alas! Such peace was not wont to last.

The Armagnac, villains all, conspired against him anew. They took arms against him and challenged his legitimate and benevolent stewardship of the realm. Civil war, it seemed, reared its ugly head again. In the spirit of benevolence and christian forgiveness that so characterised him, my father extended to them the olive branch of Peace. He made great efforts to woo the Dauphin, young and inexperimented boy, who he thought to help and educate on the lies of the Armagnac. He offered reconciliation, pledging himself to everlasting peace and concord if only the vile Armagnac would stop tormenting him!

An entrevue was convened in the fateful town of Montereau-fault-Yonne. A wooden bridge was built, with an enclosed part in its center where the two princes would meet. So ready was he for peace, so confident in the family bonds and blood, that my father went in with no ideas of treason even entering his mind. Some loyal knights went with him, barely armed, for this was a parley and an affair of peace, not war.

Alas, what cruel deception awaited him. Even as he knelt in front of the Dauphin, who he knew would one day grow to be his rightful liege, he was struck horribly. Tanneguy du Chastel, thrice cursed be his name, felon, traitor, so-called knight, whose heart is blacker than charred wood, struck his head with one fell swoop of his axe. Our faithful knights tried to do battle and protect their duke but to no avail, and they were chased away, not able even to retrieve his mangled corpse.

Let it be known, then, the extent of their treachery. Them, who would lure an honest man, a fellow christian, a kin by blood, to his death under the guise of reconciliation. I swear this: the crime won't go unpunished. The Almighty be my witness, I shall smite the perpetrators of such an atrocity. Let the guilty quake in fear, for my vengeance shall be merciless. As to this Dauphin, he is nothing to me. Nor kin, nor liege, I am freed of any bond towards him. I understand now the truth in the words of his own mother, who says he is a bastard. I shall make war upon him and his Armagnac allies. My father loathed Henry the Usurper of England and always refused an alliance. I see now he was too lenient against the Armagnac, and his good composition led to his death. Let the rottens fear the might of England and Bourgogne combined!

Posted Apr 1, 2026, 8:37 AM UTC

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