AITA for raising a goddamn stick because these shit-ass officials refuse to correctly tabulate my score and recognize that I'm actually an incredible shot and DO NOT FUCKING MISS?

Its well known that I'm the best goddamn soldier in this whole goddamn Army, so it was practically a given that I would be sent to Stokholm this year to represent the US of A in this new-fangled "Modern pentathlon" shit they got happening. Shooting? You're goddamn right I can shoot! Riding? Never met a horse I can't ride. Fencing? Those fuckers quake in their boots when on the piste with me. Running? Swimming? Try and catch me, asshole.

So there I am, on the shooting range, and doing some of the best goddamn shooting of my life with my trusty .38 and they call me for a fucking MISS? You have got to be shitting me. I. Do. Not. Miss. That thing went through the same goddamn hole. Even the other men at the range agreed I did it, but those officials? Bunch of lily-livered little shits who apparently couldn't find their asses with both hands, clearly. Gave them a piece of my mind, let me tell you, but they ranked me 21st. Un-fucking believable.

And now the equestrian team is bragging that they got bronze^(1,) and I could have just done that instead and you know they would have gotten Gold with me at the head, but now here I am stuck in 5th place^(2,) and all these goddamn ninnies are nagging me about how I should have used a .22 like the Swedes and then maybe the target would have been easier to read but what do they take me for? I'm a goddamn MAN and I'm using a MAN's gun. The whole point of this shit is we're soldiers doing sport, and what kind of a self-respecting soldier would use a goddamn .22 in battle? Now that I think about it, those Swedes were basically cheating, right?^(3)

That's what this really is about isn't it? All a bunch of goddamn cheaters conspiring against poor old Georgie. But I keep getting called a 'poor sport' or a 'sore loser' about this? GODDAMN RIGHT I'm SORE, BECAUSE GEORGE SMITH PATTON, JUNIOR IS NOT A GODDAMN LOSER! I'm a WINNER! How the hell can I be the asshole when all I'm saying is that I have been cheated from my rightful victory?!? This is all such a goddamn crock of shit.

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1: The US Equestrian Team was made up of US soldiers, and led by Patton's riding instructor. The fact they medaled is almost certainly a major factor he was so upset about his own failure to do so.

2: Patton couldn't very well change his placement, but did change his score that he reported to the Army after the fact, reporting that he placed higher in several of the events than in reality to as to increase his score to only one off from the 4th place finisher instead of 6 pts off. His placement in swimming went from 7th to 6th, fencing 4th to 3rd, and steeplechase 6th to 3rd. Shooting he reported the place correctly - hard to fudge that when you made a stink - but did report one less miss than reality. The only score he reported accurately was swimming, which he came in 3rd on. A better shooting score would have potentially meant a medal. Still though, 5/42 ain't bad.

3: Patton wasn't the only one to use a .38, but there was strong correlation in placement and use of a .22 in the shooting competition.