i should have killed myself years ago and I regret it daily

i should have killed myself years ago and I regret it daily. I'm unlovable, unemployable and just a waste of a human. I was technically dead at birth and I hate the midwife that revived me, I almost had an out and she took it away.

no hope or potential for the future. literally all downhill from here. Why am I such a coward? I've tried but I always chicken out. Why do I subject myself to this hell? I want to get beaten to death.