I can’t see a future, I’m so tired

I’m a first year at uni, and I don’t see the point in carrying on with life. I don’t enjoy anything, I have no time off from uni (I don’t even finish first year until the end of August), and hearing about how great all my friends lives are just makes me sad. I get that I shouldn’t compare but when they have the chance to even make plans for a night out, I’m sat there like an idiot saying I probably can’t because I have so much work to do and I’m probably at uni/placement. The placement I’ve been put on means I’m going to be extremely behind when I do my second placement, and possibly fail first year. At this point I’m praying I fail first year, I would have a reason to leave.

I don’t enjoy anything, I’m getting annoyed at everyone, and I don’t see myself making it to the end of the year. I literally pray every day that I’ll find out I have a brain tumour, or that I’ll be run over by a truck. I literally can’t do it anymore.

Somehow no one in my life has noticed how much I’m struggling. I don’t know how because I’ve turned into the most horrible person. I don’t want to let them know how much I’m actually struggling because they all have their own problems and lives to deal with but I can’t do this. My parents have noticed I’m struggling but if I told them I want to die, I doubt they would even do anything. Every time they found out I had been self harming, I was told off, and the first time offered the next day off school. No help or anything.

It’s so difficult to even get a doctors appointment, let alone be taken seriously. Any advice from people who have been in my situation would be greatly appreciated. I’m hoping to book a doctors appointment soon, but I’m not sure if I can even get through.

Thanks.