AITAH for Shutting Down a Medically Knowledgeable Family Member?

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

I had a co-worker pass away unexpectedly due to a medical emergency at work. He didn’t feel right, and there was legitimate cause for concern (stroke symptoms), so 911 was called and a helicopter was arranged to transport (rural area). He passed while on the helicopter.

I got a tearful update from the NP onsite who was clearly processing it all this morning, and just feeling really awful about the whole thing. NP was getting information from the spouse of the coworker who passed - so third hand by the time I’d heard something.

It was absolutely gutting to hear, because the person was young, and had their whole life in front of them.

I mentioned something in my family group chat this morning because I’d said something yesterday about the helicopter coming, and that’s never a good sign. Family member who is a nurse just starts criticizing the information I shared.

After sharing the news that the coworker didn’t make it, I’d passed along the information that I’d been told:

“They’re an organ donor so the doctors will do what they can, but they’ll take him off the ventilator at some point today.”

Family member jumps in with:

“It doesn’t happen that fast, they gotta confirm he’s brain dead which takes up to 24 hours, unless they’re just taking him off life support”.

Amongst comments from the other members that:

“So sad” and the like.

I stopped them pretty quick and told them via text, “it’s not the time or place, and that I was not interested in learning more medical details. Arguing over what I was told today as being incorrect is pretty insensitive considering the circumstances.”

There’s been various other times where I’ve had to employ a hard boundary with this person due to unsolicited commentary about my health, and medical decisions so this shouldn’t have been a surprise based on prior actions, but felt pretty hurtful.

I get as a nurse you see stuff and become desensitized to a lot of trauma, blood, etc but I continually feel like I have to put up boundaries because I get the nurse type rants, and an inability to understand that I don’t want to hear about their gruesome night, or how frustrating their job is. I’m not aware of anyone who loves their job 100% of the time.

I’m continually told “X situation isn’t about you” when I attempt to say something about there may be a reason why said patient decided to do something different and “why won’t you let me rant and vent?” And “this is how relationships work - one person complains and the other listens”.

Typically my pushback responses tend to be along the lines of “if you want to vent, call X parent” or “please stop you’re making me feel nauseous” or “I’d like to hear about your life outside the fact that your job is not fun right now”.

The good conversations IMHO are the ones when said family member isn’t focused on how crappy their job is, and we get to actually have a conversation about their life, and there’s some back and forth rather than 45 minute to hour long rant sessions.

AITAH for putting up boundaries with a medically literate family member?