i feel like im still stuck at being 13

ive recently turned 19 but i dont feel like my age at all... its so weird to compare how i used to imagine an average 19 year old vs me now because it couldnt be more different.

i dont know why i feel like this but its a really scary feeling. its like im watching my life go on but im stuck at the same place..

maybe the cause of this is the fact that i developed multiple mental disorders when i was 13 (anorexia, ocd, depression, anxiety). throughout the years, all my efforts went into just surviving each day because life was extremely exhausting and every single day felt like a mountain to climb. while others were practicing sports, planning their future, making friends etc. i was struggling even with the most basic things like eating and taking a shower.

i feel so lost in life and i dont know who i am. im still struggling mentally and i feel like my life is slipping out of my hands. i barely decided on my plans regarding university, i never had a relationship, i dont havd any slecial skills nor friends.. i feel like im in a bubble and sometimes i realize how absurd everything is and it honestly scares me.