Just another day. fighting for myself. just like I always have. Since the day I was born.

I feel as if I have to fight everyday. for everything. since the day I was born. I have been called immature because I show emotions. They always have been telling me what is wrong with me, and how I should improve. Since the day I was born. they say I should tell them everything. they will help me. but never consider me an equal. never discuss things with me, the way they chat with each other so carefree,I sense tension in the room when they shift the conversation to me. I have always been a problem to them. since the day I was born. I still am. I still cause problems for them I guess. then riddle me this, why do they still keep me around. why not leave me alone? I guess they won't do it, because they see clearly that this is what I truly desire, to be left alone. but they'll not leave me alone. beg me to tell them what did they do wrong. told them everything I could,and I'm exhausted now. I even told them nothing can be done. Always telling me how they have had it rough, and how they conquered the world. but hate me for doing the same. why they desperately want to keep me around? i guess I won't understand it in this life time. they hate each other, and themselves and get jealous when something good happens to one of us, yet they call themselves family. always saying that if not us, no one will be there for you. is this what they truly feel or they're afraid that I'll thrive on my own? they see my anger now. they see that I despise them now. Always trying to 'fix' me when they fail to see the root problem. I don't hate them. but the more I love them the more it suffocates me, the more it breaks my heart. I know they never loved me even though I'm their blood. I'll never be what they want me to be. I refuse to play my role in their story. they're afraid what they'll say to the society, why their daughter ran away, yet they refuse to change. and I don't expect them to change. I value my life, my soul, and if I wait any longer, I will lose myself forever. because that day will never come. not in this lifetime. I guess they're afraid to face themselves, in the mirror, when I do leave. because it is terrifying.they keep telling me, it is us against the world.oh I wish it really was true. I wish all the lies they tell me, held a bit of truth. I wish I could believe the lies they tell me. but the facade they show to the world has a crack, through which I can see beneath the mask, and I know, none of what they say is true.this is what they're afraid of, me pointing out exactly what is wrong. that terrifies them, I can feel it in the pause they take, before answering me back. they say I'm wasting my life. always tell me what is wrong with me. I have accepted it. I however cannot play along anymore. my final word is that they can do whatever they wish to me, but don't expect me to change. they stll refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room. I guess I'll never win.