I want to hit beans

I 16m have managed to stay clean for 11 days and every day has been so though, I’m mentally exhausted and I have no energy. I had a rough 9 hour work shift today and now I’m both physically and mentally so exhausted that I don’t have the energy to resist the incredible strong urge to cut.

Now there is also the urge to hit beans as I have not cut that deep yet and the white layers just is not deep enough and they don’t scar enough.

I don’t have anyone to talk to so I guess this is my way of asking for help…