M34 F44 is her behaviour okay?

So, it is a long story but i will try to summarize it.

There are actually like 2 things i would like your opinions on.

My partner and i have started as an affair 5 years ago( in 2021), i was married with 2 kids, she was married but since some years separated, no kids. I had in my marriage anyhow other issues and problems and it was just a question of time when it will fall apart.

Me living in Croatia, she living in Germany, we have met in USA on a project we worked together. Things developed quick, we fell madly in love, and decided that was not just affair for us, but we want to have a life together. We said to each other that until end of 2022 we will sort our things out on our other ends. Go through with the divorces and everything else neccesary to have a clean slate and start our lives together.

Up from April 2022 i took a job in Germany and she went back as well to her office job in Germany. We were like 480km apart. And the deal was that she will have to work 2 days in the office, and rest of the week she would be with me at my location having home office. That was her proposal and she said she can make that work. This was ongoing like that for few weeks and then it started changing. She said she has to be more in the office, and will visit every weekend. It was weekends then, until it became every other weekend...aso, you get the pattern.

Just to mention, she was all that time living in the same appartment with her husband, acc. to her, bc they had loan for the apt together and she didnt want to waste money on some other accomodation. and bc they had cats together 🤷‍♂️

By mid 2022, i started the whole process from my side and by end Oct. I have done my part.

I took some weeks off, went home and started all, talked to my wife etc. Process wasn't nice, it included my ex-wife as well being administered to pshyc ward for few days, she was threatening to kill herself, dissapeared for full day with me looking around for her and so on.

During first few weeks the situation was really bad. Eventhough i had absolutely no romantic feelings anymore for my wife, i felt horrible with the whole situation. I was going through the worst period of my life.

After this few weeks i had to return to work. My partner had already months before booked 3 weeks of holidays with 2 of her (male) best friends. And those holidays happened to fall exactly in that period.

I was a total wreck, and instead of staying with me she took the holidays. True, she did shorten it from 3 weeks to only 1 week. But she went.

Do you think that was a right move from her side? What are your opinions about that? About all that above?

Now to continue...

So, i had done my part of our plan. She wasn't even mentioning her's or showing any intention or action.

2022 passed, i was quiet..

Beggining of '23 i had asked what is she planning and when. First reaction from her was that she doesnt see any problem with her being married "on paper" and that she isnt planning anything. Like she forgot about what our plans were.

then we had several discussions and fights regarding it. and as well regarding her living situation(she was still staying in the same appartment with her husband).

i made it crystal clear that i am deeply bothered by that, and begged her to change it. for nothing. same excuses like from the beggining of the post..

finally, she said she will make her research and see what and how she can do for her divorce.

outcome was that she cant start or do anything until their loans are paid out(for 2 appartments). and that would be by end of 2024.

i was shocked, but at the end i accepted it but told her that i am willing to go through that but that i expect her to start the divorce process immediatelly in January 2025.

but since then, through rest of '23 and '24 she was accusing me of pressuring her, telling me her divorce is not my business. she doesnt want to lose money through the process, or her savings, appartments. I understand

not wanting to lose something you were busting your ass for for years, but i went through the same shit, regardless the costs.

we stayed in germany until Nov '23, me at my workplace and she at her's. Staying still all the time in their joint appartment.

at that point she went back abroad to a project and i followed in Feb '24. Until today we are here, working on same project.

throughout '24 i flipped couple of times bc i couldnt handle that she is still not divorced. and everytime she had her rotation, she traveled back to germany, still to the same damn appartment. in all those situations she was then pissed with me telling me that i have to have patience and that things take time, to stop pressuring her. etc....

end of January '25...time to talk about next steps(remember; loans will be paid off end of 24, and she will start process in Jan '25, right?)

well, not really.. in that talk she informs me that the banks misscalculated something and that 1 loan actually expires sometime in 2027, and another one should extend for another 10 years!!!!!

and "convincing" me that this doesnt change anything, nothing on our plan is changing...it doesnt matter if she is officially divorced or not aso....i just have to be patient for a LITTLE bit more! accusing me of not giving her unconditional love and whatnot...

when i asked how long she know about misscalculation, she said since beginning of '24... so she was keeping me in dark and keeping that from me for a whole fucking year and everytime we had divorce topic, telling me how everything is going like planned...

i was devastated...

additionally, she made it clear that she will not make any changes on her living situation, because it makes no sense. and her husband is supposedly always gone somewhere in the times when she is in germany...

i was on the verge of walking away from her then..but decided to stay and see it through..

throughout last year we still had several talks regarding that, trying to figure out ways to speed up something.

anyhow, regardless the loans, you could get a divorce whenever the fuck you want...but yeah...according to her it doesnt work that way, it is impossible and she desnt want to lose anything 🤷‍♂️

Apparently, she had pulled out of the one loan(the 10 years), and the other one should finish next year..at least that's what she's told me...

but bottom line, 5 years later...she is still married...she is still staying at their appartment when she goes back to germany bc yeah, that is completely normal...and he is gone when she is there...

opinions? toughts?