39F married, in an affair with 40m, also married

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39F, married, in a hopeless affair with 40M, also married

about a year ago I entered into a virtual affair with an old flame. the intensity of it all was one for the ages. it was a soulmate connection. but we were on opposite sides of the world, unable to meet, in bad marriages and with with 2 kids each. his wife cheated on him for 5 years and my husband was verbally abusive. my husband found out and completely discarded me while we are still under the same roof. we have zero communication and yet he refuses to officially divorce me. the affair partner, knowing this, has made no action because he doesnt wanna disrupt his life more than his cheating wife already has. according to him she repents alot and goes the extra mile for her family now. I see him doing family vacations, playing intimacy (q&a) games with his wife, dinners, birthdays. he is sexually active with her and claims it isnt emotional and that he isnt cheating on me. he gave me more love than anyone ever did. he never let me go whenever I wanted to leave. he said let's wait until we can meet and be together and then we make a decision. but I couldn't wait. the visual images of him and his wife kill me. eventually my tantrums got too much for him to handle and he said let's take a break. in the past whenever we have taken breaks we never lasted more than a week. I have crumbled. I am torn apart. the heartbreak is too much.

what do you think I should do? stay out of contact so he knows what he is missing?