I'm tired and it shows

I'm tired of trying over and over with my life, and i feel like I'm reaching the end finally, i feel so fucking alone and empty, i have been feeling this way for years and nothing changes it, my life has been a constant push through problems and suffering.
I really have tried almost all but it wont change, my meds don't even do shit anymore, if they even did something to being with.
I've always been a self destructive person, but lately it is more than ever, and it isn't even helping it anymore, no matter how much i hurt myself, i cant help but still feel like I'm just a empty piece of disposable trash.

I'm extremely depressed, i have been through many attempts to take my life before and yet it feels like no one care, no matter what i do, no matter who i meet, everyone ends up always making me feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm not worth nothing, like I'm just disposable and not valuable and I'm so fucking tired... I'm tired of everyone leaving me, it makes me feel so empty and nothing makes me excited anymore.

I have spent the last months rotting in bed like a corpse, I'm neglecting my duties, my college, my sleep schedules, my food, my hydration... haha i feel like complete shit, as my body degrades in cuts and weaknesses because of this stupid eating disorders and self harm, all i can think is that the only thing i lately desire is death, probably is the only control i will have over my life anyways, i wonder if killing myself will be the only fulfilling thing in my depressing empty life. I just feel it is soon to happen.