DAE combine opiates + benzos/alcohol because you simply don’t give a shit about never waking up?

I know I need psychiatric help and I’m searching for a therapist that I can trust, but I don’t feel like I can trust anyone because of the way the US medical system works and because of bad experiences with previous therapists.

It’s nice to be able to take substances to be asleep/nod off for more of the day. An outsider wouldn’t even be able to tell that I have issues because I am high functioning and seem like I’m living a prosperous life and have a great career and family. I’m on antidepressants and psych meds that make it possible for me to mask as high functioning, but I’m tired and want to give up bro. I can’t feel anything anymore

Can anyone else here relate?