Tomorrow is a test

so iam starting work again tomorrow, after a couple of months parental leave over. During these months ive been trying out meds, and iam now on elvanse 20mg ( one week aprox). During my leave ive been struggling with some anxiety and also been getting some agoraphobia back.

When i was on concerta (36mg) i just thought the anxiety came from all the news things happening in life and the inexperience from taking care of a child. Then i had the worst panic attack ever. same story with ritalin.

now i feel somewhat mellow, no real anxiety other than thoughts that seems to fade away rather shortly.

i realised i have had so much fun being home and doing everything and thar the anxiety probably came from the meds (aswell).

Now iam scared of getting an attack tomorrow on my way to work. i hate it, i hate not being able to "move freely" and not feeling well. iam trying to be nice since i burnt out pretty bad 1.5yeard ago. ive used this time to try to relax and enjoy the moment, wich i have sucessfully to some degree. iam not totally housebound, we've been out and about, shopping and what not but i also have to start over and push myself after an attack wich i dredd aswell even though i know i will come back.

with elvanse i had for the first days somewhat higher HR, after that its all back to normal, but the thought of both a panic attack and stimulants make me anxious about having a heart attack or a stroke.

anyway i just wanted to vent.

after rain comes sunshine etc etc