I need help and am tired

I dont know how to fix anything anymore, its a very long story, ive been and still am being tramutized from religion and its poeple being against gay poeple like me, am in a point where I get Physical Tics, random feelings every time I see a women and anything related to women, even writing the word"women " get me those tics and feelings I HATE, it feels like am losing myself every time, and I dont want that, I just wanna be me, even if everyone hates it but I coudnt. Recently, it got worset... now I avoid women everywhere and only look at men cuz it feels comfortable to do so... I don't know what to do, I searched online and many websites said its extreem OCD, cuz my brain doesnt shut up , it imagines every terrible senario or creat feelings down there when I look at a women... I always end up crying and try to stop the toughts, or fight them back, but now they happen by default, I cant stop them and am feeling soo tired I just tear randmoly all day even whem am outside. I just wanna live while I don't have to fight anything and just be me... so if anyone can help.. PLEASE!!