Learning to become my own person apart from my narcissistic dad

My dad is the type to be very controlling to the women around him. He was emotionally abusive and neglectful to my half siblings because they didn’t ressemble him in his hobbies or interests. I allowed him to influence me in a lot of ways (I can admit that he definitely saw me as his golden child). He pushed me into a lot of his hobbies when I was a kid, which made me very tomboy like. As I started puberty he put a lot of pressure on me to not be “girly” and continue to be a mini reflection of him. Would make snarky comments about anything I did that was high maintenance (like being upset all of our vacations were in campgrounds with unhygienic showers), having interests in media more geared towards women, or dressing in anything other than baggy shirts and hoodies.

Since I limited contact with him I’ve tried to embrace being more feminine, I’m trying to figure out how much of my identity is really a part of me. However, it’s been hard to not be disgusted at every part of myself that is associated with him. I’ve had my hair dyed for years (he never acknowledged or said anything about it) but the moment I dyed my hair to a different colour (closest to my natural colour aka his, and to the ex girlfriend he’s obsessed with and compares me to) he complimented it and it makes me feel sick. There’s so many parts of him that are going to be attached to me no matter what and it feels like I’ll never be able to become my own person because of it.