AITAH for ending things because I didn’t feel ready to build a future together, even though she wanted to move in?

I genuinely cared about her, and in many ways I still do.

Jenny (34F) and I (31M) met at a Lacan seminar in Paris (2024) and we have been since together. We connected quite deeply as we’re both really into reading and writing, thinking things out loud, and a lot of our intimacy came from sharing intense ideas and how we see the world.

Over time though, I started noticing differences in how we approach life. She leans more toward intensely dreamy beliefs and lives very “in the moment,” not really thinking much about stability or long-term planning. I’m kind of the opposite. I’ve worked hard to become more grounded, and I know I need a sense of emotional stability and intention in a partner.

Things got worse over time. She started doom scrolling a lot, became more irritable, and we stopped being physically intimate about 4 months ago. I tried to reconnect, even small things like being close physically, but she dismissed it and said she didn’t feel any loss of intimacy, which was honestly really hurtful to me.

She also mocks me for going to therapy. She sees it as a judgment on her, which I don’t think is true, but I’ve failed in reassuring her.

Recently, despite all this, she started insisting that she should move in with me and that we should take the next step. Instead of feeling excited, I felt anxious and conflicted. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we weren’t aligned in the kind of life we wanted.

I’ve always wanted someone steady, intentional, and family-oriented, and I wasn’t sure she wanted that in the same way anymore.

I’ll be honest about something that makes me feel guilty: I recently got a promotion and a big grant, and part of me started wondering if that played a role in her suddenly wanting to move in. I don’t know if that’s fair, but the thought crossed my mind.

Eventually, I told her I didn’t want to move in and decided to end things. She was hurt, called me unreliable, said I gave up too easily, and that I don’t know how to treat a woman.

Also I’m regressing heavy from past issues and just want someone to call me a good boy as I’ve been judged so harshly all my life.

And she used to take me in where I used to feel safe but now I’m stuck feeling like I may have walked away from someone really nice. Given a chance I would still date the girl I met, but that person doesn’t feel like the same anymore.

It’s just bloody hard to inflict this kind of loneliness on oneself.