Buc-ee’s to Morgantown!!!!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BUC-EE’S STAKES CLAIM IN MOUNTAIN STATE, ANNOUNCES FIRST WEST VIRGINIA LOCATION IN MORGANTOWN

World’s Largest Convenience Store Chain to Replace Suncrest Towne Centre; 200-Pump Gas Pad Slated for High Street

MORGANTOWN, WV – April 1, 2026 – In a move that has stunned industry analysts and sent shockwaves through the Mountain State’s convenience store hierarchy, Buc-ee’s, the Texas-based megastore chain famous for its pristine bathrooms, Beaver Nuggets, and obsessive fandom, has officially announced its first West Virginia location.

The new “Buc-ee’s of Morgantown” will not occupy a quiet plot off the interstate. Instead, in a deal that city council members described as “aggressive” and “geographically creative,” the 75,000-square-foot travel center will be constructed on the site of the current Suncrest Towne Centre, with a sprawling, 200-pump gas canopy extending across University Avenue and swallowing a significant portion of the Evansdale campus parking lots.

“We’ve been looking to expand into the Mid-Atlantic region for some time,” said Stan Beaver, III, Buc-ee’s Director of Real Estate (and no relation to the mascot, he insists). “When we saw Morgantown—a city whose entire identity revolves around traffic congestion, a ravenous appetite for snacks, and an almost religious devotion to a single mascot—we knew we’d found our spiritual homeland. The beaver and the mountaineer are basically cousins.”

The announcement has already triggered a cascade of local upheaval. In a separate press release, Sheetz—which has a location roughly every 400 feet in Morgantown—declared a state of emergency. CEO Travis Sheetz released a statement that read simply: “They wouldn’t. Oh, they wouldn’t dare.” Reports indicate three Sheetz locations in the Morgantown area have already begun boarding up their MTO stations in preemptive surrender.

West Virginia University has also scrambled to respond. In an emergency Board of Governors meeting held at 7:00 AM this morning, it was announced that the Mountaineer football team would vacate Milan Puskar Stadium, which will be converted into a 500-space overflow parking lot for the new location. In return, Buc-ee’s has agreed to sponsor the university’s new NIL collective, “The Beaver Den,” securing the commitment of a 5-star recruit who cited “unlimited brisket and a signing bonus of 14,000 beaver plushies” as his primary motivation.

Local residents have expressed a mix of terror and awe.

“I moved here from Dallas for grad school, and I thought I’d left the Buc-ee’s cult behind,” said Sarah Jenkins, a civil engineering student. “Now I’m going to have to wait in a line of 40 fuel pumps just to get to my 8:30 AM class at the engineering sciences building. My car gets 30 miles per gallon, but my soul gets zero.”

“We’ve been blessed by the beaver,” said lifelong Morgantown resident Cletus Royce, who was already camped out in a lawn chair at the proposed site with a cooler of pepperoni rolls. “I’ve driven 11 hours to the Florence, South Carolina location just to get a bag of those caramel pecan clusters. Now I can smell the beaver nuggets from my front porch. I just hope they keep the car wash open 24 hours.”

City planners are rushing to address logistical concerns. The Morgantown Police Department has already unveiled a new traffic flow map that essentially advises residents to simply “stay home” between the hours of 6:00 AM and 11:00 PM. Additionally, the city is exploring the use of aerial tramways from Cheat Lake and whitewater rafting shuttles from the Monongahela River to manage the anticipated gridlock.

The new Buc-ee’s promises all the signature amenities fans have come to expect, including:

· 120 sparkling restroom stalls (increasing the city’s functional public restroom capacity by approximately 4,000%).

· A wall of brisket larger than the student section at the Coliseum.

· 500 fueling positions, which, when combined with existing traffic, is expected to create a permanent parking lot stretching from the Pennsylvania border to the Squirrel Hill Tunnel in Pittsburgh.

· A 10,000-square-foot gift shop featuring the world’s largest collection of WVU-branded beaver merchandise, including a coonskin cap with tiny felt buck teeth.

When asked about the environmental impact study, a city official was heard muttering, “What environmental impact study?” before diving into a swimming pool filled with chopped brisket during a ceremonial groundbreaking that doubled as a Travis Tritt concert.

The grand opening is scheduled for 6:00 AM on April 1, 2027. The first 100 customers in line will receive a free “Buc-ee’s: Almost Heaven” bumper sticker and a lifetime supply of Beaver Nuggets, or until their pancreas gives out, whichever comes first.

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for the state of West Virginia simply said, “Let’s go… beavs?” before hanging up.

Happy April Fool’s Day from Morgantown. Please drive safely. Especially on University Avenue. Seriously.