Feeling like I might not actually be bipolar and it's all in my head

AHHHH.

Been having bad panic attacks this week. I sometimes read posts on here and feel like I shouldn't have been diagnosed with this because I don't think I have it that bad. I look back at what was a "manic" episode from 3 years ago, and feel maybe it was just fueled by alcohol and that's why I acted the way I did and wouldn't sleep. Maybe my 2 month depression episode was just grief after losing my cat, not a depressive episode. Maybe everytime I have felt like my emotions are in control, it's just me sucking at emotional regulations and failing everytime they do.

It almost feels so fake...? Maybe I am fine and this is all in my head. Maybe I'm psyching myself out reading things that I can relate to. Maybe it's just GAD and bad depression?

BPD was ruled out, since I have a stable relationship with my partner, friends and family.

I tend to have spells of dissociation, mostly when I'm extremely anxious, but I figure that's part of the GAD since I've done it for so long. No one in my family is Bipolar that I know of. I know addiction runs on my dad's side of the family so who knows..

I stopped drinking, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. I've changed so much of my lifestyle and I still feel like my brain is against me. My lows are so low, and I feel like my "resting" state is anxiety. Then I get my moments of intense anger and I am on the go and everyone needs to get the fuck out of my way.

I tried to explain this to my mom, who doesn't really get bipolar, and how exhausting it is with how unpredictable I can be at times. She said I am normal and that emotions happen. I know she was being kind, but my family being clueless on Bipolar disorder and me being just as clueless but learning, just makes me feel like this isn't real and I made it all up.

tldr; I don't feel bipolar enough to be bipolar but my brain is still all kinds of fucked up. No I am not medicated at the moment.