20 y/o male , please provide wisdom and insight as to why life is worth living.

Greetings Reddit family! I am a 20 year old male who has a slightly grim view of life and I would love some words of wisdom from those who may feel the same way or have. During my early childhood I was diagnosed with ADHD and before the age of 12 I was filled with depression, anxiety and a sense of confusion (almost as if I do not belong and always intrigued about what comes after this life) These feelings only worsened throughout high school, severely during my sophomore year when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.

I am now close to graduating university and I genuinely have not been truly happy for as long as I can remember. It’s hard to explain exactly, I try my best to be better everyday physically, mentally and logically, but I always resort to a feeling of hopelessness and despair. I see this world as a uniquely created simulation, where most people I interact with are lost to the noise, but filled with joy. This exact combination always confuses me.

My life certainly isn’t bad, in fact I am extremely privileged to have a great family, both parents, a loving girlfriend, access to resources, and a great education. I realize this, but I still don’t understand the end goal, when the only certainty we have is death. I have never been afraid of death, and I truly believe our soul enters a rift, remains whole, and from there we experience a new level of pure consciousness and intelligence. Before I reached my teen hood I had realized the impurities and inequities in this dark world and I was never able to get over it and see further.

From my understanding the four fortunes of life are family, health, reproduction and peace and while I may be on track to feel all of those fortunes to the greatest extent - I still feel lost . I’ve traveled to many countries, experienced true love and heartbreak, studied an abundance of biology/chemistry/physics/philosophy, and I feel like I will always be yearning for peace and happiness.

My end goal was and will always be to help others navigate their health and prolong the life of individuals I hope to see in the future. I have a good heart , but a dark understanding of the world. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember , but I fully understand the effects it will have on others in my life. For this reason I stay strong and I continue the journey. I would appreciate some wisdom, because I guess I lack it. Thank you Reddit family!