[QCRIT] In the Shadow of the Beast (Adult Fantasy, 120k words) (6th attempt)

5th attempt here. I'm back after a few months of unsuccessful queries. 0/16 with only 2 personal rejections. (I know I was slow, my method of small batches was outdated and got distracted by a new manuscript).

I've given it another pass through, hoping to make it more punchy and give it a little more voice as well as changed my comp titles to stuff more recent and applicable.

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<Dear Agent>

I am pleased to query you with IN THE SHADOW OF THE BEAST, an adult fantasy novel complete at 120,000 words with series potential. This story will appeal to readers who enjoy the monster-scarred world of THE SHADOW OF THE GODS by John Gwynne and the comfort of found-family as seen in GODKILLER by Hannah Kaner.

Dreyton is an idealist in a cruel world. Though branded a pariah by his father, the king of Drakthen, he dreams of achieving the impossible: defeating the quakebeasts, vicious creatures that feed on despair.

Desperate for answers, Dreyton frees one of his father’s prisoners in exchange for a book he believes holds the key to the quakebeasts’ destruction. But he is caught and conscripted into his brother’s brutal campaign to subjugate a neighboring nation.

Before he departs, Zorina, a mysterious woman from that land, steals the book. She shares his dream and offers an alliance if he’s brave enough to join her.

Dreyton has waited his whole life to find someone who shares his dream. However, trust only gets one killed and joining would ensure his father hunts him forever.

Dreyton chooses hope, defects, and joins Zorina’s band of unlikely outcasts. Together, they uncover a devastating truth: Dreyton’s father hunts a power capable of controlling the quakebeasts and intends to bend the world to his will. Worse, a rival king who worships the beasts seeks the power to transform all of humanity into them.

If either claims it, the world ends.

Dreyton and his new allies must race to find and destroy the power before it falls into the wrong hands. To stand a chance, they’ll have to uncover long-lost knowledge, confront their pasts, take on insurmountable odds, and prove not just themselves, but that the world doesn’t have to be cruel—if people fight for something better.

First 300:

It was always said quakebeasts only came for those who’d given up hope, but Dreyton had never known anyone who hadn’t.

Well, except for himself.

But his own optimism wouldn’t save him. Not now. Not when he was with others who wallowed in the natural despair the world was so intent on distributing.

“Can you see it?” Dreyon asked.

“No,” the scout whispered.

Dreyton hadn’t bothered to learn the scouts’ names. It’d make their deaths easier.

Dreyton white-knuckled his horse’s reins. It was difficult enough to see through his helmet’s visor, only worsened by a fog creeping in from the river and the thick forest that blocked most of the faint moonlight. Dreyton took his helmet off. It may help against swords, but no amount of armor would protect him against a quakebeast.

The four scouts accompanying Dreyton all consoled their skittish horses as they hid behind a grassy hill covered with half buried rocks and fallen dead trees.

“We need to leave,” the youngest scout said, trying, but failing to mask his panic.

“Quiet,” the older soldier demanded. “You’re scaring the horses. And you’re going to bring it here if you don’t calm down.”

“Are we sure it was even a quakebeast?” the youngest scout whispered, taking off his helmet, revealing his pale face and patchy beard. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen years old and likely hadn’t left Drakthen’s walls before.

“Of course it was,” the older scout said through gritted teeth. “We all heard it. Now shut up or we’ll leave you out here for it.”

No one took those threats lightly. Just recently a band of Dreyton’s brother’s soldiers strung up a poor bastard who was petrified upon hearing a quakebeasts’ screech--anticipating the soldier would forfeit their will and make the beast hunt them.