M27 Confused about what to Feel after BreakUp and How to Move Forward

I(27M) would like some opinions about my relationship, with my Ex(24F). Feel free to give any suggestions about my mistakes and learnings for the future relationship.

Let me give some background info: I lost my dad in 2001 at the age of three, who was the best Person around us. My mum left her dream and took his job to start supporting me and my younger brother. Sadly, she lost her "spark." Even though she was a state topper in her Board exams, she became a mess and essentially became unable to make any decisions. I had to live outside my Home Town and never had my own Place.

I started living in hostels and with relatives in my earlier years. I would get sick frequently, though we didn't know why at the time. I suffered through E. coli, Typhoid, Jaundice, Tuberculosis, Mumps, and other ailments. I took care of my brother while battling everything myself. I did quite well academically, topping every year except once or twice. I achieved a rank of 1k among 1.5 million applicants in the Engineering Entrance Test and chose a Computer Science major at a top engineering college.

Sadly, I got sick after the first semester and finally found out that I had an autoimmune disorder (Ankylosing Spondylitis), and my life got derailed. I spent one and a half years in bed, went from 75 kg to 45 kg, and lost a lot of hair and my clear skin due to the side effects of medication. I rejoined and finally dropped out, spending two years recovering during which I regained my Hair and other Health markers, learned all necessary Life Skills, started working out, ran 2 Half Marathons, while freelancing and preparing for my main goal: Public Services.

This is when I found her (let’s call her "Sri") in April 2025. I had been in a "talking stage" for a year with another girl who had avoidant tendencies while I am a bit of anxious attachment Guy. She didn't want to take the next step because I had "an opinion about everything" and my "mindset was too Western and liberal." Sri and I started talking a few months after that girl cut contact with me.

Everything felt smooth with Sri, although she did say after a few calls that maybe we would be better off as friends but still asked me to meet her. I asked for a few weeks first so we could know each other better before I traveled 1,500 km to meet her (she was working in my hometown while I was working in another city). The day came, and she met me at the train station at 9:00 AM after her night duty. She had earlier said she might not come, so I didn't have much hope that day. We smiled and greeted each other, and the first thing she said was "Wow" as she hid herself with her Palms.

Oh man, I fell for her then and there. We talked for an hour before taking a tuk-tuk to our respective places, which were just 7 km apart. She said I looked ten times better in real life compared to my pictures and asked, "Why do I fall for the guy who is out of my league?" (I don’t know whether she was being genuine or not).

We went on three or four dates before I decided to show her the apartment I had booked for myself and my family. I was actually in the process of canceling it because I had booked it after the previous "talking stage" girl had contacted my family for a Rishta/marriage proposal, but she wanted us to have our own home first.

I showed Sri the apartment and she loved it. We made out for the first time in the empty apartment; however, during those few Hours, I told her the reason why I was thinking of canceling it. She got absolutely furious, stormed out, and told me to drop her at her apartment. While trying to get her to understand the situation, I shared that I had dropped out and was finally going back to college to complete my final year and it pushed me to take the decision since I was funding my Final Year which was setting me back around 5 lakhs. She cooled down but asked me to cancel the apartment, which I did.

Things were good for the next three or four months, although situations arose where she would bring up male friends she had met on a dating app earlier and still kept in contact with. I asked her at least not to respond to their messages if she found it too "rude" to block them suddenly. She told her mum, cousins, and friends from her hometown about me. She did mention that it would be difficult to get everyone in her family onboard since she was from another state with a different primary language.

While she was away, I left for college to fulfill paperwork and arrange my hostel accommodation while juggling the responsibilities of both my paternal and maternal homes. During this time, an MBBS intern at her hospital—who belonged to her home state—started talking to her every day. I was okay with it at first, but they started crossing boundaries, like inviting her to work out in his hostel gym while I was away. He even came to pick her up because my flight was landing two hours after hers and she didn't want to wait that long.

I started getting frustrated and insecure because I knew I couldn't provide that feeling of warmth that someone’s native language provides. I also knew her family would be more supportive of him than me. During all this, my grandmother got ill, and I had to manage that because my uncles live far away for work.

After everything settled, we planned to live together for a few days before I left. The first three days were magical, but then she started saying she felt suffocated because her room wasn't that big. I offered to sleep in the hall, but she wouldn't let me because it had no cooling fan or furniture. I would leave during the day to take care of things, but we spent the nights together. I would see them talk for hours in their native language while I just did some work. She kept telling me there was no need to worry; she sensed me getting frustrated and hopeless. She gave reasons like "he is younger than her," "he is short," and "he looks average compared to me." She would joke that even if her family forced her to marry someone else, she would only think of me because I was the only one who fulfilled her emotionally and physically.

Finally, I decided to go back to my college five days early because I started feeling things I knew wouldn't do any good. The night I left, she went to see a movie with that guy. In the morning, I learned she wasn't in her room when her flatmate called me. I called her 8–10 times and no one picked up. I started panicking. She eventually called her flatmate but didn't call me back because, apparently, I would have "accused her of something she didn't do."

We had a fight on the phone. She wanted me to sympathize with the guy because some girl had broken his heart and he was taking anxiety medication. I gave some suggestions and ended the call. The next few days were hazy; she said she was confused, and finally, one day she said she wanted to "try being with him emotionally" because he kept crying and telling her he needed her.

She stopped responding to my calls. During these two weeks, my family didn't know anything about my college situation or the breakup. I finally told my brother, and he said he had cautioned me about this—that maybe the first girl was at least loyal, even if she was cold.

To distract myself, I talked to some relatives and heard that the first girl had been trying to get back with me and that her family wanted me. I didn't think it would work, but I thought I should at least tell her about the college situation since that explained some of my earlier decisions. I messaged her and found out she had unblocked me. We talked about life, and she told me she was getting married. I congratulated her. I then told her about the college situation; she replied very coldly, and we didn't talk again.

I had a train ticket to surprise Sri two days later, and I went to talk things out. She saw me and acted surprised in a negative way. That evening, I brought her favorite snacks, sweets, and fish to cheer her up. She asked if we could go for a long drive. During the drive, she started getting calls from the guy. I learned they had planned for him to meet me so he could explain everything and I would break up with her. I immediately turned around to drop her off and refused to meet him.

That night she called me sobbing, asking me to come back to her. My mum was awake and didn't want me to go due to safety concerns. I went to meet her the next morning after dropping off my mum. I told her I had talked to the other girl to clear the air about college. Sri went "bombastic" and blamed me for ruining everything, saying I shouldn't have talked to my "ex."

She called the guy to come pick her up. I still tried to talk it out at her flat, but she accused me of telling her flatmate things about her while she was gone, which wasn't true. I left and she called me while I was on the train; I picked up but didn't say anything. She called again a week later, saying she and the guy were getting serious about the future. A few days later, she messaged me saying she couldn't talk anymore and that I should cut all communication. I later learned she had taken private pictures of us together on her bed. Her new guy had seen them and had a panic attack, crying for hours. In order to calm him down, she blocked me and my family members and cut contact suddenly.

What did I do wrong here, and what should I improve going forward? I think I compromised on my principles and my boundaries, and it bit me. What should I feel about her, it has been few Months and Life In College is going well 🤞and I even have 2 Job offers, but I still think about her almost everyday. Even though I never reached out, I did went to her apartment during Holi to pick some of my stuff and I saw them together in their Room 😢. Why am I still attached to her?

I have gotten asked out few Times and also have gotten Arranged Marriage Proposals from Docs and Engineers from my Hometown but I still can't keep her out of my mind and cannot move forward. Help me deal with my Thoughts and Emotions, sometimes I feel too much.