I wish I had two bodies, each of a different sex

I've always wanted to be able to shapeshift. Not even into people or animals per se, just into things. Vapor, a jellyfish, what have you. It was only recently that I felt the need to flip genders. I tried to make the change...but couldn't. Can't. I have my reasons, but the short version is "I'm not strong enough to live with the consequences." And, truth be told, I don't feel ready to give up who I am for who I could be.

I wish I could have two bodies. One for the public, and one for fun. One for me, and one for them. And there are ways of having both, from a certain point of view. But even those lead a paper trail. And with the ways things are, I just don't know if I can make it work.

I'm trying to stuff these feelings into a deep pit until they suffocate. I think I will lose. I think I lose either way. What I wouldn't give to be two people...