feels like everyone else is so so real and i'm not

more and more lately i've been wracked with this feeling that everyone else is real and i'm not. Like they are whole, rich, and complete. i dont even mean it like they have their lives together- its more like....everyone else has a depth to them. like how a good broth is full of complex depth of flavor. the ingredients on their own may taste good or bad by themselves. but together, it makes something so delicious and full. and i'm thin and brittle...like a reptile shed...or like....i'm a corpse thats being poorly puppetted around...the whole world is so beautiful and i'm slightly out of sync with it....stuck between radio frequencies and i want so bad for that clarity...i want to tune in to the station, listen to the songs without the fuzz at the edges. but i cant because im not quite real, something hollow, something half-formed, a forgery of a person...a clone with no substance...and it makes me want to cry but im so disconnected from my tears that i cant even do that...

and i think....its just...a lot of mental anguish....and i know im not the first or the last person to ever feel like this but in the moment....thats how it feels........completely isolating......completely separate from the world and every single other person on earth. and it just. is painful. and its hard to imagine ever coming out of this state.

sorry this is rambly. its like as much as i try to expel this feeling through writing, its still not enough. i still cant get it out of me. i wish i could open up my body and physically rip it out of me. and i just. i dont know anymore