Sigh.

I finally realised that, I'm not okay. Yes I've relapsed and been doing it for a few days but, I never actually stopped and though "I'm not doing okay". I'm close to committing, I genuinely have nothing to live for atp so I'm just making plans with friends and buying things online so I have something to look forward to so I don't commit. I also just think about my comfort characters and such. Everything is so shitty rn, I'm hypersexual, I'm addicted to sh, I'm autistic, I have trauma.. ect ect, my friends are against me, an old friend is going around impersonating me on Snapchat and telling people I stalked here (which I never did) I'm tired of being the therapist friend, I'm tired of seeing and helping people get better even though I'm not getting better. I hate having people come up to me and say shit like "I tried committing last night" like ofc I feel bad for them and ofc I will help them and stuff but it's so draining, so so so draining. Schools shit, I have horrible grades, I'm bullied and shit. I'm so done, so done.