Completely new, how to start?

Hii, I hope this is the right place to post this. I am completely new to the gym, I've been once before for a couple of months and just winged it, this time round I don't want to wing it, I want to learn everything (or at least a good amount). I keep on watching videos and I'm trying to understand it, it's just different when you actually go into the gym and put in what you've learnt into practice. Oh ye, I'm 20 f if that helps :)

My goals are weight loss and muscle growth, I want to lift heavy. I have already lost a lot of weight I am unsure how much weight, I don't like weighing myself, I remember the last time I weighed myself was in 2024 and I was 114kg (ugh ikr), but then I gained a lot of weight from that time and I do believe my biggest might have been around 120-130kg, I genuinely don't know how much I was at my biggest but ye, I have lost a lot of weight since, I haven't weighed myself yet, I just can't, it would put this weight loss and just gym journey into a eating disorder, sorry I'm just so insecure. anyway, I am now in a size large but mostly medium and there's a clear noticeable difference as well as none of my clothes fit. My diet is rocky, I know I need to fix it for optimal training and fat loss, I mostly eat eggs, tuna, cucumber, raw onions (don't judge they're just yummy lol), 50% less fat cheese, rice cakes, obviously some other stuff like sauces and that (don't worry I know about those calories, I didn't in the beginning), I spam this meal daily. I only eat at night..... yes I knowww it's probably not the best. I try to eat one meal a day but on days where I am extra hungry I started eating a second meal, very similar to what I usually eat, (the munchies basically hit... but I make sure it's at least healthy). I am saying my eating habits because I'm not sure if that will affect me in the gym, I mean it probably does, I'm just a complete newbie to this, so sorry.

the gym I go to is luckily 24/7, I don't sleep well and I'm very nervous about going to the gym so going late at night or very early in the morning is good because it's quiet. I use the cable machine doing I think they're called back face pulls (I have no idea so sorry) I also was doing something where I was pulling up like a bicep curl I think. I also use the dumbbells 5kg doing lateral raises, bicep curls, shoulder shrugs, a fore arm wrist rotation thing, shoulder presses and some other ones I have no idea how to describe or what their names are, yet again so sorry! that's the stuff I do on my own and have done before, so I feel comfortable with it, to a degree.

this is the stuff I did with my PT-

atx leverage squat

unweighted 2x4, 1x5, 1x6

trap bar deadlift

35kg 1x6, 2x5

inverted row suspension trainer

3x8

my legs died from that :/ but it was fun!

I am scared to text my PT guy about all of this, I don't want to waste his time, so I thought I'd waste Reddit's time :)

anyway, I don't know what the best routine is or anything like that, I used to do full body 5-6 times a week for that two months, it was fun but I am worried I was pushing myself too much, I don't know what the perfect slipt would be. basically I was an idiot who saw tiktoks and was like yup ima do that but I actually want to train well and safely. also what the hell do I do for a legs days, a upper body day, back day, I have no clue. I am actually lost as there's so much information and I have no idea where to start.

also I want to make strength training my joints and get semi flexible for basic calisthenics. lots of goals, lots of ambitions. I literally do nothing else so I kinda just want to workout because why not.

also when you're new at the gym do people judge you because some of these exercises aren't flattering lol and its just scary to do. I went to the gym yesterday and I was too scared to do any floor exercises and stretches but I really regretted not doing any just because of my fears. in my head it just feels like I should just leave because I'm new and look stupid, but I logically know that everyone started somewhere and this is where I am starting.

I hope I gave enough information and the right things for my question, basically wtf do I do lol, I'm so lost, I'm just showing up and trying. I hope you all have a lovely day! thank you for reading my monologue :)

also please be kind, I'm so shy, I'm genuinely not sure if I said anything wrong in this post