27 M. Life so far.

I’m a 27-year-old data scientist, working at a mid-sized consultancy in Bangalore. It’s been about 2.5 years since I started here, right after completing my post-graduation from NIT-W. This is my first job, and on paper, things look… good.

I earn a decent salary—close to six figures in hand. I live alone in a 1 BHK apartment, manage all my chores myself, cook my own meals, and maintain a fairly comfortable lifestyle. I’ve set up my life with all the essentials—fridge, washing machine, the usual. I invest regularly in SIPs, and I’ve taken care of health and term insurance.

I’m also the sole earner in my family. Every month, I send money back home. About a year and a half ago, my father was diagnosed with cancer. Since his surgery and chemotherapy, he’s mostly been on bed rest with very limited mobility. My mother is a homemaker. So in many ways, I carry both responsibility and stability on my shoulders.

From the outside, life looks stable—maybe even privileged by Indian standards.

But internally, something feels off.

For the past few years, I’ve been dealing with a persistent sense of emptiness and loneliness. I do have friends, but not the kind I can call at 3 AM and truly open up to. And even when I try, the conversations feel shallow—like they don’t quite reach the emotional depth I’m looking for.

I did have a few friends with whom I could connect on that level, but over time, as they got into relationships, we drifted apart.

I’ve tried dating apps. Went on a few dates. Even got into a short relationship that lasted about two months. But being an average-looking guy, getting matches itself feels like a rare event. And honestly, those experiences didn’t lead to anything meaningful.

Until I was around 24, I was completely focused on building my career and securing my future. I didn’t think much about companionship. But now that I’ve reached a relatively stable place in life, I find myself craving something deeper—a real human connection.

Maybe it’s also how I was raised. Growing up with two elder sisters shaped how I see and treat women—with respect, always. I find it almost impossible to approach someone randomly in a café or public space. The fear of making them uncomfortable stops me every time. Which also means my chances of meeting someone organically feel… almost zero.

Meanwhile, my parents have started looking for matches within our community for an arranged marriage. But the idea of spending my entire life with someone I barely know—it honestly scares me.

Lately, I’ve also started losing interest in things I once enjoyed. I still function, I still work, I still move forward—but it all feels mechanical. There was a time I genuinely enjoyed solitude. Now that same solitude feels like loneliness.

I try to distract myself by learning new technologies, focusing on career growth—but sometimes even that feels pointless.

Somewhere along the way, I feel like I missed learning something important—how to find and build a meaningful relationship. No one really teaches you that.

Maybe I sound desperate. Maybe I am.

But what I really want is simple: a connection with someone who feels things deeply, who can match the intensity I bring. Even if I were to date the most conventionally “perfect” person, without emotional depth, the connection would feel empty to me.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m overthinking, self-sabotaging, or just stuck in a loop I don’t know how to break.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. And if you have any honest advice or perspective, I’d genuinely appreciate it.