Why am I such a horrible person?

I am but a mere 21 year old man. I have done so many crimes; I have been such a bad person to most of the people who really cared for me. Why am I not feeling guilty? Am I a evil person? What made me evil was it the domestic violence? Was it the death of someone? Was I just born this way?

Everyone says that you got to play with the hand that you are delt with. What hands do I even received I feel the pressure the heaviness of words and commitments, I feel lonely, I feel hollow, I feel non-human, I feel distant; distant from everything? Yet I don’t feel anything? Yet I feel guilty, guilty is my writing, guilty is every thought I form, guilty is my being, guilty is my must, But Am I really guilty? who is to decide? Am I thinking too much in 3 dimensions? Have I stopped being in my own perspective? Have I been peace with self? The self guilty? I am such a lonely soul whose not even sure of even being one. Who caused me such suffering, suffering to not understand guilt, suffering to ponder thus questions, I am so so longing for a companion ship yet I fear guilt, yet I fear my evil, I evil, therefore I am lone, the sole survivor of the guilt. I have ruined multiple lives ,now am scared of ruining mine, ruining my loved ones, I carry the guilt to come and guilt that went, the guilt which occurs ,But I am weak.
-meingless