Dual-expression, agender body — does this resonate with anyone?

I've been sitting with this for a while and I want to try putting it into words. This is just my experience — I know gender is deeply personal and what feels true for me doesn't have to fit anyone else.

The best way I can describe it: my body feels like a neutral mannequin. To me that means it's not male, not female, not somewhere in between — it just feels outside that system entirely. I don't experience dysphoria in either direction.

There's no sense of loss, no desire to change anything. For me, my body is simply neutral ground. It doesn't carry gender. It just is.

But my expression is the complete opposite of neutral. For me it shows up as two very distinct modes: one is chav-coded — tough, guarded, a bit hard.

The other is lolita/babygirl — soft, innocent, deliberately vulnerable. Neither of these feels gendered to me. They feel more like energy and demeanor. I choose based on how I feel that day, or what space I'm stepping into. My movement, my voice, the way I carry myself — it all shifts with it. I literally have two separate wardrobes.

What feels important to me is that these aren't two points on a spectrum I glide between. To me it feels more like a discrete switch — fully one, then fully the other, with nothing bleeding in between. That's why "genderfluid" never quite landed for me. Fluid implies gradients, and this doesn't feel like a gradient.

"Agender" fits how I relate to my body perfectly. But I needed something extra for the expression part. "Dual-expression agender" is what I've been sitting with — and it finally feels close to right.

Does this resonate with anyone? Is there existing language I'm missing? 🌈