Got diagnosed with ADHD hoping to be more understood. Instead am being treated even more badly.

This is a super big vent. I'm sobbing as I type this. I'm 16 and I only live with my mom. My last therapist appointment was months ago, I don't even remember when. I've been mindlessly taking my medication and I don't even feel a difference in mood or anything. Sometimes I feel worse.

I thought being diagnosed would've made me feel more seen. More accommodated. But instead, it's just completely ignored. Like nothing ever happened. And when people do acknowledge it, it just feels so alienating and disgusting. Like I'm some sort of lesser being. And my mom thinks because I'm taking meds, that means I just "no longer have ADHD". That I'm cured from it. That I'm 'normal' now.

("Oh, but I don't think you have ADHD. You don't look like you have ADHD" is something I get told a lot. I think others can relate.)

I can't study. I can't eat. I can't drink. I can't wake up. I can't move. I'm stuck. I can only sleep, around 16-20 hours a day now. And even then, I get nightmares of my trauma. I can't even rest.

And when I try to seek out some help, or atleast some relatability... "You just need to eat something. It's just because you slept a lot. You just need to put in a little more effort. What are you missing? You have a house, food, care, spoiling..."

I don't know what I need. I wish I knew what it was. If I did, I would've told you. I don't know why it's not enough. I don't know why I can't help myself.

I hate having ADHD. I hate being "special". I hate being different than everyone else. I hate being me. I wish I was born normal. I wish I wouldn't struggle this much. What am I even struggling with? My mind? I just feel so pathetic.

And what's even worse is that my IQ is actually high. I'm not *stupid* stupid. I know that if I just forced myself to sit on my book for a little more, I can easily be on top of my class. But I can't.

Why me?