How to tell you actually have ADHD burnout and aren't just... you know, growing older and jaded?

My wife recently sent me a video talking about ADHD burnout because it was explained by ducks and kind of met a lot of the criterias for stuff I've been talking to her about in the past years.

**Important: I don't know if I have ADHD, the reason I'm asking this question is because if I do go to an appointment with a doc, I want to have a list of things to address and not just a stream of consciousness blabbering.**

___This section is entirely context, feel free to skip if you just want to answer the question____

Fair warning, this is a stream of consciousness rambling that I'm getting off my chest. I have no clue how to frame it or phrase it because I keep thinking this detail or that detail could be relevant, but then I feel silly for thinking I could even have ADHD or anything of the sort. Same thing with Autism, I keep thinking nah, can't have autism because I'm not *insert screaming kid my dad thought what autism was*

So as a kiddo teachers often asked my parents to get me tested for ADHD, but boomers being who they are they didn't believe in ADHD, so I never got tested. This was a recurring thing. I'm now 36 and not really sure if I have ADHD or if my dad was right and I'm just lazy.

They just told me to focus and so I... looked out the window and imagined cartoon characters fighting on the roofs of buildings. Got horrible grades until late highschool where I started having to stay after school to get extra tutoring to pass. I finished highschool by the seams and then got into "Cegep" and later University where I promptly flunked because I couldn't focus a damn when the teachers were talking. Which fueled the feeling that I was just lazy.

Managed to get myself a job where I can listen to music or podcasts while I do my job and I've been mostly successful there for the past 7-8 years.

5 years ago, my first kiddo was born, and 3 years ago my two others were born, so I've got 3 awesome kids that all want my attention all the time and I get the feeling that I'm overstimulated often and easily.

I've often wondered if I might have ADHD because of all the times teachers said I did. But my dad said all the kids these days are on meds. The moment boys act like boys they're put on meds. And honestly? He was 100% right. In my class, all the boys were on one med or another. The moment boys were loud they were recommended to go see a psych, so I kind of grew up resenting the idea I could have ADHD because to me it felt like either I was going to be forced meds or I was looking for an excuse as to why I was so lazy.

I was a weird kid. Didn't listen, couldn't remember shit about my friend's lives, but I memorized 151 pokemons in a day. I knew all the factoids about the GBA games despite not owning them. As a teen, I learned the entire plot of the Kingdom Hearts games (those who know what I'm talking about understand how crazy that was). I have an obsessive personality where I know I can't do drugs or drink alcohol because I get addicted too easily. My current vice is Magic the Gathering. A friend can give me any two details about a card and I'll know what it was if he's played it against me.

But I'm not really antisocial, I prefer staying at home and having a routine, but my dad pretty much beat it into me (metaphorically) that some things needed to be done to be a "good" person and a "normal" person, so I got over a lot of my problems. I used to walk around town having imaginary scenarios in my mind to the point where I wanted to write books and stories, I was a regular DM in D&D because of this, but then I was told "normal" people drove places, so I got a car.

I was told normal people didn't dress up the way I dressed, I was told liking cartoons was childish, I was told playing cards was dumb, etc and over time it beat the quirkyness/weirdness out of me until I became a functionning member of society. He passed away a few years ago and I still don't know how I feel about that.

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Symptoms:

Frequent brain fog, I work with my head a lot solving problems so I just assume I'm tired, especially with kids, but sometimes it just happens out of nowhere, I feel like I'm dredging through mud trying to put two thoughts together.

Disinterest with hobbies I liked, one day I'm playing a game I like, the next I feel like the game sucks and always sucked and why do I even bother. Same thing happened with other hobbies like D&D and Magic the Gathering. I'll get super excited for a while, get really deep into the lore or into brewing, then from one day to the next I just lose all interest. I keep telling myself it's because I've got kids and I don't have as much time as before and I need to be an adult.

Obsessing over stuff, when I get into something I get into it hard­. At 30 I decided I didn't want to be a sitcom dad and so I learned how to cook, I went from not being able to make rice to being able to make my own bacon and smoked meat at home, I can cook stuff that makes my grandma lose her shit, but I haven't touched my BBQ in a few months and it feels like I've lost interest yet again. When I try to get excited about a recipe I think about all the steps, and having the wrangle the kiddos and I lose my energy.

I feel like napping all the time, instead of opening a game, building a deck, cooking something, reading a book, or doing anything I enjoy, I always just want to go lie down and scroll youtube shorts or nap. My head feels like it needs rest all the time. We put the kiddos to bed at 7:30 PM and from there to 9:30 when I go to bed I just want to lie down.

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I don't know if that's a sign of something, or if it's just part of growing older and being tired from daily life with 3 kids.

As for more personal stuff, my wife is great, we both get frequent rest (never as much as we'd like with 0 family support but heck) and we both get personal time if we want it.

Sorry for the long, probably stupid post. I'm tired.