Sometimes I wish I were a normal person. :/

I have XXY Klinefelter Syndrome, and I think it affects me a lot. My testosterone levels were low, and I’ve started treatment, but I still feel this way.

I identify as genderfluid, and I’m bisexual, but I lean more toward femininity. I’m more attracted to feminine people. Because of everything I’ve been through and because I’m XXY and infertile, I feel like I can’t fully be masculine toward women. I think it’s more of a confidence issue—like “why would someone love me?”

Also, in my environment, being bisexual isn’t really accepted, so I keep overthinking my actions. It sometimes feels like I’d be doing something unfair to the other person. And being genderfluid makes me feel like that unfairness is even bigger.

I don’t even know how I could explain this to a girl. If I told her, she might leave anyway. And even if she didn’t, I’d probably keep questioning it—like “does she really love me?” or “is it unfair to her that I can’t have children?”

Sometimes I feel more feminine, other times I want to be a fit, masculine guy. It’s like I change between the two. But in both states, I want to feel attractive—either handsome or beautiful.

Honestly, I feel like I might never be truly happy. I’m exhausted. Sometimes I wish I had been born “normal,” without all of this.

I don’t know if there’s a solution. I’m on testosterone treatment, but I still feel like this.